Freedom Was Impossible
by Fettolsiris
Summary: Soujiro finds out that someone is trying to takeover where Shishio left off. Soujiro is forced to join under excessive torture, can he live through this?
1. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 1

**Prologue**

The ground was soaked with crimson blood and all around lay the twisted bodies of Soujiro's family. Their frozen expressions were of pure horror, their clothes blood splattered. Yet 10 year old Soujiro just stood there calmly as the rain beat down on him, his small smile was unwavering. Shishio knew he had uncovered a rare gem, and the potential was obvious enough to him. Shishio stepped forward, maneuvering around the sprawled bodies as he approached Soujiro.

His tone was flat and his expression stayed as hard as it always did, "How do you feel... are you ok?"

Soujiro turned his head to Shishio and nodded, his smile was even larger now.

Shishio started walking away from the scene as Soujiro followed him, "Would you like to come with me?"

"Yes."

They continued walking on in the rain together; they were an odd looking pair indeed. Shishio was wearing no clothing except for the bandages that covered his entire body. In a lot of ways he resembled a sort of mummy, except for the eye and mouth holes. He had been the Japanese government's top assassin, rivaled by none. When they had lost their use for him they knew the only way to get rid of him was to try and kill him. Shishio had been betrayed by his employers; he was shot in the head and lit on fire, left to die as he screamed in the flames. But he lived. He now had a metal plate over his forehead, and the bandages protected his sores and burnt flesh. Soujiro on the other hand had a kind, innocent face. His soft, short black hair clinging to his face from the rain as his blue eyes looked ahead. He looked so small walking beside Shishio, the top of his head only meeting his waist. Soujiro's dirty brown kimono and hakama were splattered with blood.

Shishio continued looking ahead, "The only reason that your family wasn't able to kill you was because I gave you that sword, do you understand?"

Soujiro's voice was soft and weak, "Yes."

Shishio's voice was harsh and stern, "In this world, everything is survival of the fittest. The strong survive and the weak must die. Your family kept you as a slave, beating you like a dog for their amusement. Then, when they had had enough of you, they decided to kill you. It's not just you and your family, everywhere is like that. Right now you're weak, and the strong will exploit you and kill you."

Soujiro looked up at him, "I want to be strong like you."

"If you stay with me, and do what I say, then I will be the only one in the world stronger than you."

Shishio took the sword from Soujiro, they were approaching another home.Soujiro was a little bit confused, "Are we going in there?"

"Yes. We need clothes; we can't go far when you're covered in blood."

Shishio approached the sliding door to the house, and without any apprehension opened it. Just inside the room, a man and a woman had been sleeping on the floor. The man went to sit up, upon seeing the intruders. However, within a fraction of a second and a flick of Shishio's arm, he had been cut in half. Before the woman could even scream, her head was rolling on the floor away from her body. Soujiro's simple smile didn't waver as he followed Shishio into the next room. Inside this room, two boys were sleeping next to each other, side by side. Shishio smoothly cut off their heads as well, the entire scene had hardly taken 5 minutes, and had produced nearly no sound as well.

Soujiro began looking through the folded pairs of clothing that was on the floor near the dead brothers' bodies.

He held up a blue hakama and a white kimono, "Blue is my favorite color. Do you think that this would be good for me to wear?"

Shishio nodded as he began to inspect the items within the house, and as Soujiro started changing. He discovered some folded sheets and tied it to his body, similar in manner to a toga.

Soujiro opened a bamboo basket, finding rice balls inside. "Shishio san, are you hungry?"

"You eat it."

Soujiro was sitting next to one of the dead bodies, seemingly unaffected by it as he started to eat.

Shishio watched him, "Soujiro... you smile, even here?"

Soujiro stopped eating for a moment, "Well, at first I only smiled when I was being beat, because I knew it would shock them and make them stop. Later, because I was on guard and afraid so much, I tried to keep it all the time. It's become habit for me, I hope you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind it at all, I prefer it."

Soujiro went back to eating as Shishio thought to himself. _That smile is going to give him a fighting advantage. His opponent won't be able to read his emotions._

"In the morning we'll leave."

It wasn't difficult for Shishio to begin establishing himself. He would simply find the biggest band of thugs in the area, kill their leader, and invite all willing to join him. Money wasn't difficult to come by either; his men would frequently go out and rob wealthy families while they looked for new recruits at the same time. It wasn't long before they had established a small base.

The strongest of Shishio's men was Genya. He was very tall and was well built with massive muscles. Although he was the best that Shishio had at the time, he wasn't exactly top quality. Shishio would have to earn more of a name for himself before he'd be able to attract better skilled and experienced fighters. As it was, Genya's abilities were more attributed to his massive strength than to his skills, although he was decent at the martial arts as well. It was him that Shishio had appointed to start training Soujiro for fighting.

Soujiro had a large weighted bag on his back as he weakly attempted to run as Genya had instructed him to. "I'm not here to play with you Soujiro. You need to run like you're serious or you're going to find my fist in your face."

Soujiro smiled and nodded, "Yes Genya-san."

Soujiro had sweat dripping down his reddened face as he continued to try and make pace.

"Get over here for a second, you're still not trying."

Soujiro made his way over as Genya put another stone into the bag. Soujiro sunk under the added weight.

"Every time you slack off like that I'm going to add more weight, understand? And at this rate, you're going to have a broken back if you don't move it."

Soujiro's thigh muscles were burning unbearable, but he struggled on, never losing his smile.

Genya shook his head, "If Shishio would let me slap you around like I want to, you'd be moving a lot faster than that. And don't think that I wouldn't want to; you piss me off to no end. To think that someone like me has to do such demeaning work as this."

Once Soujiro had been taught the basics and was strong enough, Shishio had taken over in his training. While Genya had done a lot to build up the strength in Soujiro's legs, it had been Shishio who taught him how to execute his incredible speed and swordsmanship. Shishio's power grew quickly and soon more and more skilled members joined him. It was at this time that Genya saw his importance fading as he became outclassed. He left the organization without word, and although Shishio put out the word to kill him if he was seen, he was soon forgotten.

It was roughly 7 years later that Kenshin defeated Soujiro and killed Shishio. Soujiro was now 18, and trying to learn how to live again.

**Freedom was Impossible**

Soujiro had been traveling from town to town for months now, but he wasn't content to stay in any one place too long. It was an entirely new world to him. When he was with Shishio, he would go to towns like these, but he was always there to assassinate someone. He would coolly sneak him, murder the target, and leave. He had never really been able to walk the streets or eat the local cuisine, nor had he wanted to at that time in his life. He also thought about his encounter with Kenshin constantly. Before meeting him he had been an emotionless killer, but Kenshin had broken him. He forced him to realize that he had never wanted to be a killer, and that although he had been smiling after he killed his family, he was also crying. The flood of pent up emotions that had been unleashed during that confrontation had been unbearable. Not only that, but Kenshin dared to exclaim that the strong had no right to hurt the weak, and that it was the duty of the strong to protect them. Now, here he was, trying to figure it all out again.

Soujiro had just finished eating some fruit he had found growing. He was lucky that it was still summer and he had strong doubts about what he'd do once winter set in.

As he continued to walk on a man emerged from the shadows of a dark street to approach him."You're a hard man to find Seta Soujiro."

_How does he know my name?_ Soujiro noticed that he had a red band of cloth tied around his arm. _Ah.. _

Shishio had long ago established an underground network throughout most of Japan. It was the job of these members to spy on the local officials, and also to pass on important information to any operatives that passed through their locations. However, approaching Shishio's elite to pass on information could be dangerous. It was important to be easily recognized as a member so as not to get one's head cut off. That was the reason behind the red band. Furthermore, the band could be easily detached and hidden when not needed so as not to rouse suspicions from others.

Soujiro continued walking, "Shishio's dead, so you should probably find a new profession."

The man grinned, "Ah yes... but there's someone new now who has taken Shishio's place, and he's requesting that you join him."

Soujiro narrowed his gaze, "Tell him I'm not interested."

The man gave a slight laugh, "Even still, you'll be meeting him soon."

With that, the man pulled off the red band and walked away.Soujiro was puzzled,_ who could take over? Everyone of any importance was arrested by the government and dealt with. It's probably just some minor war lord trying to make a name from himself... Either way, I need to find a place to sleep tonight._It was getting dark as Soujiro walked outside of town and found a nice removed area by a tree to lie down.

He was just starting to fall asleep when heard a woman scream."HELP! Oh please help me!"

Soujiro sprang to his feet; the young woman was running towards him. "What's wrong!"

Tears were streaming down her face, "There's a man in town, and he tried to rape me! I'm too scared to go back alone, please come with me while I walk home. I'm so scared he'll still be there!"

Soujiro tried to calm her down, "We should probably go to the police, do you know him, or can you remember what he--"

He choked on his words as a rope suddenly tightened around his neck. The woman laughed and stepped back as her accomplished tightened the garrote. He desperately clawed at the rope, _a trick! I didn't here him sneak up on me because of her screaming and shouting._Soujiro fell to his knees as he continued to grasp at his neck.

The girl kicked him in his side, "Hurry up and pass out already!"

Soujiro's vision was getting blurry as he desperately tried to cling to consciousness. He reached behind himself and tried to grab at his attackers arms, but he was so weak that he could hardly brush them with his hands. His sight started to fade to black, _no damn it, I have to fight this!_ Soon his hearing faded out too, and then his sense of feeling.


	2. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 2

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 2**

Soujiro opened his eyes, his vision was blurry. He attempted to get up, but when he moved his legs he felt no resistance. What is this... did I pass out? My neck and my wrists... they hurt...A groan slipped past his lips.

"Take your time Soujiro."

Soujiro tried to focus his vision, but he still couldn't quite make out the figure in front of him.  
"I... I recognize your voice..."

The man laughed, "Well, at least there's that much, I should think you'd remember me."

"Genya...?"

Soujiro's senses were starting to return to him, he could now clearly see Genya, and he also realized that his hands were tied together and that he was hanging suspended from the ceiling. Genya looked as tall and muscular as he had always been; only now he had shaved his head bald and was wearing a red kimono with black hakama. Although Soujiro was hanging from the ceiling, his feet were only about a foot off the ground, and short as he was (5'3'') it made him about the same height as Genya. He was inside of a large, empty room with a very high ceiling. There were two other open doors leading to other parts of the building. There was also a sort of balcony where one could look into the room from the second floor.

Genya smiled, "I would have never guessed that you'd become such a phenomenal assassin. Then again, I should have known... after all, it was me who trained you."

Soujiro frowned, "You were just a **warm up** for Shishio's training! It's amazing to me that you could convince anyone you could take Shishio's place!"

In an instant Soujiro's head jerked to the side as Genya punched him in the side of the face. Soujiro closed his eyes tight and winced from the pain.

Genya regained his composure again, "You're certainly not as polite as you used to be. I'll have to keep in mind that you're new to emotions, but you should really learn to control yourself. Don't worry, I wont take your baseless insults personally."

Soujiro turned his head to look at him again; he was seething with anger, "What is it exactly that you want with me?"

Genya quirked his brow, "I thought that would be obvious enough, but I'll explain it to you anyway. Yes, Shishio was a marvelous swordsman, but he never did any of the fighting. He just planned things, and I can do that much and do it better than he ever did."

Soujiro wanted to roll his eyes or scoff, but in his compromised position he was careful to keep himself in check. _Of course Shishio didn't fight often... what with his extensive burns and injuries... and the idea that he thinks he's smarter than Shishio was!_

Genya continued, "For all of his dirty work he had his elite, his Juppon Gatana. Believe me, I'd be gathering the rest of them here too if I could. But you're the only one of them that managed to elude the government after Shishio's death. I don't think I'll be needing them all the same; you're stronger than the rest of them combined. You'll be my top assassin."

Soujiro was holding back as hard as he could, he took a deep breath and tried his best to speak calmly and slowly. "I've already decided not to kill anymore... and do you really think I'd be loyal to you when you use these means to recruit me?"

Genya raised his hand, "Ah, I apologize; I apparently haven't fully explained myself. You see, a lot of your value as an assassin was due to your lack of emotion. You're not very good the way you are right now. Not as good as you could be anyway."

Soujiro was confused, "What are you going to do...?"

He smiled, starting to slowly walk about the room, "You see, I know everything about you. You were trained to smile and hold back emotion as a result of the abuse by your family. If you showed emotion, you were beat; it's as simple as training a dog. All I need to do is recreate that scenario."

Soujiro narrowed his eyes, "You're forgetting something, to really... **recreate**... what happened to me, I have to kill my **abuser**..."

Genya chuckled, "You really are flip, aren't you? I think I'm going to enjoy this, I do have a bit of a sadistic streak you know."

And with that, Genya calmly strolled out of the room where he had a few underlings waiting to speak with him.

He addressed one of them, a very clean cut, and professional looking young man, "Haru, you're going to be in charge of feeding him. I want him to be kept hungry, but not starved to death, understood?"

The young man nodded, "Yes sir."

Genya turned to the other, "And you, I want Soujiro wakened every couple of hours to ensure that he's sleep deprived. That'll make him much easier to control."

Inside of the room, Soujiro couldn't hear what was being said outside, but he didn't need to. _I need to get out of here right now!_

It had been a long time since Soujiro had been in this kind of trouble. Since he had been with Shishio he had always been well taken care of. Not to mention that after Shishio's training no one had even been able to touch him in a fight; except for Kenshin of course.

Soujiro desperately tried to loose his hands from the rope. He gritted his teeth from the effort while blood started to run down his arms. He stopped and took some deep breaths. _Damn it..._ He was beginning to panic and he was still too new to his emotions. He gave a few more wild jerks against the ropes when Haru walked into the room. He was carrying a small bowl of rice and a little water.

He was trying not to make eye contact with Soujiro, "I have some food here for you... you're probably hungry..."

Soujiro recognized him from his days with Shishio, he was always a very loyal officer partly in charge of keeping the base running smoothly. "Haru..? You're working for this mad man as well? You're probably more capable to lead than he is..."

Haru frowned, "Thankyou for the compliment... but I'm no leader. This is my life Soujiro, if I'm not doing this, there isn't much else that I can do. You've always been very nice to me... I'd like it if you ate this."

Soujiro looked down at the meager portion of rice, it was insulting to him. "You expect me to just allow you to **feed** that to me... like an **invalid**!"

Haru sighed, he didn't want to be doing this job, "Please, you must be hungry..."

Soujiro kicked the bowl out of his hand as it rolled across the floor and the contents spilled out. "Don't pretend to care whether or not I'm hungry! If you really did you'd of brought more food with you!"

Soujiro was seething, "I could have kicked you in the head and broken your neck if I wanted to!"

Haru turned and walked out, saying nothing. Soujiro felt like he could hardly control himself, he was wild with anger. His eyes were wide open and he was breathing hard."GENYA! You untie me and I'll show you how **useless** of an assassin I am! I'll cut your limbs off and watch you bleed to death!"

His shouting could be heard around most of the complex and Genya just laughed. Soujiro screamed and shouted for hours until his voice was harsh and he was panting for air, emotions were so new to him. Finally Genya walked back into the room with 10 other men.

Soujiro's teeth were pressed hard together, his face twisted with rage, "You let me down now... or you'll live to regret it!"

Genya smiled, "I hope you're quite done with your temper tantrum."

He nudged the fallen rice bowl with his foot, "I'm very disappointed that you chose not to eat. There will be repercussions for your behavior."

The group of men ran at Soujiro with a rope while Genya stood back and watched. Soujiro kicked at them wildly but the group over took him and he screamed with rage. Using the rope they quickly struggled to tie his legs down, while another took out a small knife and started to cut his kimono off.

He thrashed and screamed, "What is this!"

Soujiro's kimono was hanging in pieces around his waist, held onto him by his hakama pants. Genya nodded and the men left the room while a new one walked in, holding a whip. Soujiro struggled against the ropes hard; his face was turning red from the effort. The man walked around behind Soujiro and struck him in the back with the whip. A long, red welt appeared as he proceeded to strike him repeatedly.

Soujiro was crying out in pain, but Genya appeared to be enjoying himself. "You see, you can choose to cooperate or not, but you will be trained regardless.

Soujiro was wincing and shaking a little, "It's enough..."

Genya raised his hand and the man with the whip lowered his arm and took a step back while he waited for further instructions. "You think it's enough? My man here is so artful with a whip; he could write The Tale of Genji on your back had he the desire. I just hope you're starting to get a feel of who you're dealing with."

Genya nodded and the man began again to strike Soujiro on the back. Soujiro cried out and his fingers tensed and contorted under the pain. It was a dozen strikes before Genya stopped the torture and the man left the room. Blood was dripping down Soujiro's back and he was writhing in pain.

"Are you ready to eat the food, or do you need to be whipped more first?"

Soujiro didn't answer, but Genya motioned and a man walked in with a new bowl of rice and cup of water. Genya took the bowl into his hand and gripped a portion of rice with the chopsticks. He held it up to Soujiro's mouth. Soujiro paused, just staring at Genya for a long while before taking the tip of the chopsticks into his mouth and eating the rice.

"Now was that so hard? You're important to me Soujiro; I don't want you to starve to death."

He gave Soujiro only a couple more mouthfuls of rice before putting the rim of the cup against his lips and tipping it back for Soujiro to drink. It was certainly not a lot of food, but it wasn't meant to be either.

Genya turned to leave the room, "I'll be seeing you in the morning" and with that he left.

As soon as he had left, Soujiro began to sob. His back was stinging and he had no hopes of escaping any time soon. He was alone, there would be no one looking for him, and no one to know that he was missing.

_The **strong** protect the **weak**... you liar Himura-san, you lair! I was weak and so my family hurt me, then Shishio made me strong, and I was the one hurting people. Kenshin made me weak, and now I'm in this situation. It's either kill or be killed, hurt or be hurt in this world...Shishio, if only you hadn't died, if only I had defeated Kenshin._


	3. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 3

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 3**

Soujiro's stomach was burning with hunger. He was uncertain of what time of day it was because there were no windows. Lamps were also kept burning within the room constantly, and as such he had lost all sense of time. His arms and shoulders were getting sore and tender from having to support the weight of his body so long. He felt weak and tired, but it seemed like every time he would close his eyes, someone would come in to rough him up for sleeping. By the time Genya came back in, he was feeling weak from lack of sleep and hunger.

"I hope you had a good night."

Soujiro spoke slowly, "you and your mind games..."

Genya walked up to him and slapped him across the face, "First of all, I don't want you to speak to me unless I'm asking you a question."

Soujiro felt utterly helpless, he was dizzy and hurting all over.

Genya grabbed hold of Soujiro's jaw, "I want you to smile from now on. Go ahead, give me a big smile."

Soujiro tried to twist out of his hold, but Genya had a strong grip on his face.

Genya narrowed his eyes, "Don't be stubborn, just do it."

Soujiro continued to struggle.

"Do you want to be whipped again?"

Soujiro's face was tensed, but he finally forced himself to give a small smile.

Genya let go of Soujiro's jaw, "There... now just make sure to keep that smile."

Soujiro had had enough, "I won't... kill for you."

Genya shook his head, "Just like training a dog..."

He walked over to the side of the room and picked up one of several wooden rods that were hanging up on the wall. The rod that he had chosen was relatively thin, only about 2 inches around. Soujiro closed his eyes tightly, he knew what was coming.

Genya gripped the rod in his hands, "You look scared Soujiro. See, that's part of the problem, not only did you talk back, but you're not smiling anymore either."

Soujiro was shaking as Genya approached him.

"Don't worry, I told everyone not to hurt your right arm or your legs. I won't either; you're going to need those in order to be a good assassin."

He hit Soujiro hard in the side as he heard Soujiro's rib crack. Soujiro screamed in pain and he struggled desperately against the ropes again, it was useless but it was a reaction and all that he could do.

Genya frowned as he ran his fingers over the cracked rib, "I really do apologize Soujiro, it wasn't my intention to break any bones. I'll have to keep in mind how fragile you are."

Soujiro continued to thrash and scream as Genya struck him in the back. The blow struck one of the wounds from the whip and it tore open anew and started bleeding. Soujiro's fingers tightened into fists as he tensed, trying to bear the pain.

"p.p.please..."

Genya struck him again in the back, "You had better learn to stop talking... Hold a smile and the punishment will be over."

Tears were streaming down Soujiro's face as he forced a quivering smile across his lips. He felt the rod strike his stomach but he managed to keep the smile.

"Very good Soujiro. You're still very emotional, but you kept the smile. It's a start at least."

Soujiro's mind was racing._ Smile... it'll make them stop beating you..._ A million memories were flooding into his mind; he could see his brother striking him over and over again with his shinai. Genya watched as Soujiro's eyes darted about the room, he was staring blankly and looked detached from reality. _Keep smiling and it'll stop..._ Terror was building in his eyes and a wild smile formed across his face. The memories were taking over and he began to shake.

Genya slapped him across the face, "You focus on what I'm trying to teach you, I won't have you drifting off into some dream world."

Soujiro's eyes remained blank, "I'm sorry brother..."

Genya tightened his grip around the rod, he was getting angry. His knuckles were white around the wood, so tight was his grip as he struck it into the side of Soujiro's head. It made a loud whack, the wood against his skull. Soujiro groaned, and his head drooped against his chest, but he was conscious, and still smiling.

Genya rested the tip of the rod underneath Soujiro's chin and used it to push his face back up to face him. "Where are you Soujiro, hmm? Are you at home with your brother?"

Soujiro closed his eyes and a large grin spread across his face, "I'm rotting in hell with you Genya..."

Genya struck him hard in the solar plexus with the end of the rod as Soujiro gasped for air. "Oh we've got a long way to go, don't we?"

Soujiro coughed, choking for air. When he had caught his breath, he looked back up at Genya with a large smile, but almost mockingly so. Genya, enraged, turned and left the room. Soujiro laughed, he was starting to feel out of his mind. He was so dizzy, tired and hungry; his body was wracked with pain. Genya returned with the same ten men that had tied Soujiro's legs together earlier.

Genya watched from afar as they approached Soujiro, "You should get used to these men, they're like your own personal team."

The rope that Soujiro was hanging from ran across a ceiling beam and was then tied to a post on the side of the wall. One of the men went over to where the rope was tied to the wall and let it loose, leaving Soujiro to fall to the floor. Soujiro gasped and arched his back, rolling off his wounds and onto his good side. His back was very tender and sore, but it felt good to get the weight off of his arms. One of the men grabbed hold of his ankles, while another got his wrists as they picked him up and started to take him out of the room. Soujiro didn't have the strength to struggle, and he knew it was useless so long as he was tied up. Genya followed them as they went outside and into a hallway. Soujiro could now see just how intricate the rest of the building was. There seemed to be a series of hallways and rooms. They finally stopped as they approached a room with a heavy, western style door. Genya took out a key to unlock it, and the rest followed him in. Genya shut the door behind them as the men threw Soujiro down onto a long table. Soujiro twisted in pain and several of the men were holding him down tightly as others stood back waiting. One took out a knife and began cutting the ropes off from his wrists and ankles. Soujiro struggled desperately to get loose, but they quickly grabbed hold of his limbs as they strapped him down to the table.

Genya looked satisfied, "Remember not to hurt his legs or right arm." He opened the door to leave, "When I think it's been enough, I'll unlock the door and the rest of you can leave... try to keep him smiling..."

With that Genya left the room, he could hear Soujiro's shrill screams as he walked down the hallway.

2 months later

Kenshin was hanging up sheets in the yard of the Kamiya Dojo. His long, deep red hair was softly being tussled about by the cool fall breeze. He was wearing his characteristic red kimono with white hakama pants. He turned his head as he noticed someone slowly walking onto the property. It was an older man, dressed very nicely in a western style suit. The man stopped, noticing Kenshin.

"I'm here to speak with Himura Kenshin, if you are him."

"Yes I am."

The man bowed, "My name is Nakamura Makito, I am the mayor of Shizuoka (a port city, roughly half way between Tokyo and Kyoto)."

Kenshin returned the bow, "I don't believe I've ever had the pleasure of visiting your city, Nakamura-san."

The man was looking increasingly nervous as he pulled a bit on his grey suite, "Perhaps you'll be willing to see it soon then. Please, if we could go inside and speak?"

Kenshin nodded, and the two of them walked inside of the dojo. Kenshin introduced Mr. Nakamura to Kaoru, Sanosuke, and Yahiko.

"I hope you don't mind them being here."

He shook his head, "Oh no, if these are your friends then I shouldn't mind at all." He was eyeing them nervously.

They sat down while Kaoru went and fetched tea for their guest. He was fidgeting a little, clearly not very comfortable.

"I've come quite a ways to see you Himura-san. I doubt that you're going to be too interested in what I have to tell you, but I believe you to be my last option."

Kaoru set down a tray of cups and a pot of tea before taking a seat as well.

He looked up at her, "Thank you Miss."

He poured himself a cup, holding the warm vessel in his two hands. "I suppose I should just start, better to see if you're willing, than to have never tried."

Kenshin nodded, "Yes, please, go ahead."

"You see, apparently the remains of Shishio's organization has started up again... without him, and just outside of Shizuoka. They've been raiding the city nearly constantly for months now. Our local police, they're able to do a lot against the riff raff, but it's so frequent... I've been in touch with the government in Kyoto; they don't want anything to do with it. They'd rather have the country believing that Shishio never existed. They tell me that many other cities have trouble with local gangs and minor war lords. But that's not my only problem. They have Seta Soujiro with them at this base-"

Kenshin cut him off short, "**Soujiro** is there?"

Sanosuke tightened his fist, "I should have known that little bastard wasn't going to go straight."

Nakamura nodded, "Yes, all of the gang members have been touting that around town. I've tried to hire outsiders to aid in taking down the base, but no one is willing to go up against Seta Soujiro."

He looked at Kenshin pleadingly, "You're the only one who has ever fought him and lived, the only one who has ever defeated him."

Kaoru looked terrified; the memories of the whole ordeal with Shishio frightened her. She was scared for Kenshin, she knew how close he had come to death.

"Kenshin, you've already done so much for the government, and Soujiro was the one who had managed to break your sword."

Kenshin looked at her confidently, "Don't worry Kaoru, it'll be different fighting Soujiro this time. All the major players that were with Shishio are taken care of now, all of them except for Soujiro. It's important to take care of it now, instead of allowing it to get worse."

He turned to Nakamura, "Do not worry Sir; I'll be joining you in Shizuoka."


	4. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 4

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 4**

During the two months that Soujiro had been captive, he had been back and forth between the original room that he had started out in, and the room with the locking door. He was currently in the latter when Genya came to see him. Soujiro was restrained to the table, as before, his bare chest showed the tell tale markings of a history of whippings and beatings. It was a very strange sight though, for the plethora of marks and bruises would suddenly stop at his legs and right arm, which were left virtually unharmed. The signs of hunger were also clearly visible as definition began to trace his ribs. His eyes were red from lack of sleep and half open, and his breathing was heavy and labored. Yet through it all, a shaking smile remained on his face.

Genya pulled up a western style chair and sat down facing him, Soujiro didn't turn his head.

"I'm pleased with the way that things have been going."

He rested his hand on top of Soujiro's left forearm, Soujiro remained motionless.

"We're very close to beginning the second part of the training. Then I'll slowly let you start sleeping and eating more again. So long as you don't do anything to earn any punishment... I'll also let you start moving around on your own, closely monitored of course. How does that sound?"

Soujiro swallowed, it took him a moment to speak, "...good..."

Genya smiled, "Yes, I thought you'd like hearing that."

His face suddenly took on a more serious tone, "There's only one more thing left before we can begin that phase. I need to ask you Soujiro, are you willing to kill for me? No matter whom I want you to kill?"

Soujiro looked visibly distressed, his mind was racing.

Genya frowned, "You know what your silence tells me? It tells me that you don't want to kill, but that you're afraid to answer because you know you'll be punished. Before we can move on, I need you to accept that you will be killing for me. It's inevitable, you will eventually give into it, you have no choice. All your resisting does is gain you more punishment."

Genya sighed and slowly brought his hand down from Soujiro's forearm to his fingers. He grabbed hold of Soujiro's left pointer finger and with one simple motion, snapped it backwards. Soujiro instantly became animated, he screamed and pulled against his restraints.

Soujiro was still screaming while Genya spoke, "Do you see what I have to do now? All you have to do to stop it is to answer me."

It was an unbearable, shooting pain. _I've killed before... I've killed before... _Genya grabbed hold of Soujiro's middle finger and snapped it back as well. Soujiro arched his back, he was writhing in pain. He looked down at his mutilated fingers with wide eyes, _he's right, he's just going to keep breaking my body until I'm his._

"You still have nothing to say?"

He paused between fingers, but then he snapped back Soujiro's ring finger as well.

Tears were streaming down Soujiro's face, he was trying to catch his breath long enough to speak, "...ye..y.yess!"

Genya snapped back Soujiro's little finger, " 'Yes' what?

Soujiro's right hand made a fist and he started banging it against the table, he was screaming and twisting about, "I...I'll..KILL!"

Genya smiled, "That's all I wanted."

……………………

After much of Sanosuke's insisting, Kenshin had agreed that he should come with him. They were lucky this time, because Mr. Nakamura had invited them to join him in his stagecoach for the trip. The journey from Tokyo to Shizuoka only took them about 15 hours; it was dark when they arrived.

The stage coach stopped in front of Mr. Nakamura's house. It was a fairly large house, but not lavishly so.

He motioned to the building, "Please, stay the night here, it's the absolute least I can do."

Kenshin smiled, "Thank you very much, Nakamura-san."

He led them into a guest room where they could sleep for the night.

Sanosuke surveyed the room, "Pretty nice place."

Nakamura clasped his hands together, "I'm just pleased that you like it. In the morning, some of my men can lead you to the location of the base, you can leave for it whenever you want."

Kenshin nodded, "Good, I'll want to leave first thing in the morning."

Nakamura bowed, "I'll make the proper arangements, good night then."

Once Nakamura had left the room, Sanosuke turned to Kenshin, "I'm not sure how much I believe that Soujiro is really there."

Kenshin's eyes looked a little distant, "I'm not sure either... it could easily just be a boast that these new gang members are using to try and legitimize themselves..."

Kenshin started thinking back to his fight with Soujiro. That troubled young man; he had reminded him so much of himself. As much as he wanted to heal his past, he also wanted to heal Soujiro.

……………………………..

Soujiro was alone in the room, the heavy door locking him inside. Although his left hand still ached terribly, it wasn't nearly as sharp a pain as it had been initially. Just the sight of his hand would fill Soujiro with horror and anxiety. He could hear a great deal of noise and commotion happening outside of the room and around the base as a whole.

The door suddenly unlocked and swung open, five men all dressed in black rushed into the room while Genya directed them from the doorway.

"I want him dressed and ready! Make sure that none of his wounds are visible!" and with that, Genya rushed on to another area of the base.

The men immediately began untying the restraints from around Soujiro's wrists and ankles. As they removed them, the deep rope burns on Soujiro's flesh from all of his struggling became clear. They quickly pulled him up onto his feet, pushing and pulling him. Soujiro winced as they carelessly pushed against some of his wounds.

"Hurry, we have to do this quick, the Battousai is on his way here!"

Soujiro was stumbling, but they were all but dragging him anyway. The name they had said sounded familiar to him, but his mind was too clouded to discern much of anything. As they moved through the base, he glanced down the hall and could see the large open room where he had been whipped so many times before. They pulled him into a room close to that one. The room seemed to be a storage space for weapons and uniforms.

One of the men held him up by his shoulders, "Stand..."

Soujiro's legs were in good condition, but he was hungry and tired, and the various pain from his injuries didn't help him feel any better. He stood still, changing his position occasionally to catch his balance. The men pulled out a black kimono and matching black hakama.

One man held the kimono up in front of Soujiro, "it's not long enough to cover... that hand... Genya wants all of his injuries covered up."

Another man produced a larger black kimono with longer sleeves.

They handled the bundle of clothing to Soujiro, "Put it on."

He started to push his arms into the large sleeves of the kimono, but before he had gotten very far, one of them was pulling at the fabric and quickly tying it around his waist while another removed the rest of what he had originally been wearing. They helped him into his clothing and then completed the look with a black scarf that tied on and covered the lower half of his face, just under the eyes. On top of that was a black hood, leaving him with just his eyes exposed, and not an inch more of skin. The whole ensemble very much resembled a shinobi shozoku (ninja uniform).

One of the men grabbed a nihontou ('samurai sword') off the weapons rack, "Is this the kind he likes?"

Another man nodded, "Yeah. Here's what we're gonna do. We're going to wait with him by the left entrance... when Genya's ready, we'll give him the sword, send him in, and run like hell. I don't care what Genya says, there's **no** way that I'm going to fight the Battousai."

……………………………………………………

Getting into the base was easy, especially with Sanosuke ready and willing to knock down doors. They passed through several hallways, seeing no one and hearing nothing until they entered a large open room. Up on the 2nd floor balcony, looking down on them was Genya.

He clapped his hands and smiled, "Welcome, welcome. I've been waiting for you Battousai. Ah, and I see you've brought a friend with you?"

Sanosuke frowned, "Why don't you get your ass down here!"

Genya raised his hand, "Patience, I haven't even introduced myself yet. My name is Genya, and I'm the one in charge of things here. I know... not too impressive right now, but we're still working on that."

Kenshin didn't look too amused, "Are you coming down here, or would you rather we chased you around this base all day."

Genya smiled and raised a finger, "There's something I've got planned for you first, before we meet. You've probably heard that I've got Soujiro here-"

Kenshin's heart started to beat a little faster.

"-He's still recovering from the little emotional game you played with him. So he's not quite up to his usual fighting status yet."

Genya chuckled, "In fact, I don't think there's a chance in hell that he could beat you now. However, since you don't **kill**, this is a great way for me to test his loyalty."

Across the room behind the other far entrance, one of the men put the hilt of the sword into Soujiro's hand, wrapping Soujiro's fingers around it, "Now go in there, and don't let go of the sword."

Soujiro slowly walked in and waited by the entrance, when Sanosuke saw him he fell to the ground laughing.

"You think that just because you gave your little disclaimer and dressed him up head to toe that we'd believe that **this** is **Soujiro**!"

A smirk spread across Genya's face, "Oh, you don't think it's him? Well, go ahead Soujiro, I want you to try and kill the Battousai... that's the one in the red in case you don't remember..."

Sanosuke laughed again, "Don't remember... give us a break!"

Kenshin was eyeing Soujiro carefully; he knew that if it really was him, then he couldn't afford to look away for a second. Soujiro started to slowly pace towards Kenshin. Five steps... ten steps... and in an instant he jolted forward. His movements were fast, but compared to the sukuchi, they were slow and sloppy. Kenshin easily dogged the attack, repositioning himself to stay facing Soujiro.

Sanosuke crossed his arms, "If you really wanted to fool us, you could have at least gotten someone faster."

Soujiro was breathing heavily; it had taken a lot to manage that much movement. He knew that he was going to have to be much faster in order to land a blow. And he was scared... scared of his opponent striking him, and scared of what Genya would do to him for failing.

Although the only part of Soujiro that was visible was his eyes, Kenshin could see the fear in them, he planned to end this quickly. Soujiro tried desperately to focus on the fight, but he was already feeling dizzy again from hunger. He gathered the last of his strength and lunged, it was much faster than the previous attempt..

Kenshin was ready for him, with one fluent move he hit Soujiro's knuckles with the blunt edge of his sword, Soujiro instantly dropped his weapon. With that Kenshin grabbed Soujiro's kimono sleeve, gripping his left hand through it.

Soujiro suddenly fell to his knees, he was screaming and pulling desperately for his injured hand. Kenshin hadn't been expecting this, was he injured? With Soujiro still struggling and screaming, Kenshin reached down and pulled off Soujiro's black mask and hood.


	5. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 5

Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for the reviews. I was feeling really unmotivated and decided that my vision of Soujiro was just too twisted for anyone else to like. I had also decided that I'm a bad writer. You see, I read a ton of scholarly and research books (you should see my library...) making me a really excellent essayist. But I never read fantasy novels, so I don't have a lot of experience with that type of writing. I hope that all of you can picture what I'm trying to show, and I hope that it's enjoyable to read.

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 5**

It was **definitely** Soujiro, bruised and beaten though he was, it was Soujiro. Kenshin let go of Soujiro's hand, he was shocked.

Soujiro quickly backed up to gain some distance between them. He was sitting on the ground with his knees bent; holding onto his left wrist tightly. It was all he could do to bear the pain. Soujiro's mangled fingers were also now plainly visible. Kenshin started to walk towards him, but Soujiro raised his good hand in front of him and backed up more.

Sanosuke could see the marks on Soujiro's wrists from being restrained, "...they tortured him..."

Kenshin looked up at the balcony, Genya was gone. "You stay here with Soujiro."

"Are you sure you're not going to need help with Genya?"

Kenshin nodded, "I'll be fine, just wait for me here."

Sanosuke nodded and Kenshin left quickly. He turned to face Soujiro, watching him gripping his wrist. Almost as disturbing to him as Soujiro's injuries was the bizarre smile on his face. When he had first met him, Soujiro smiled all the time, of course, but the rest of his face typically looked content as well. But now, Soujiro's brow was tense, his eyes filled with pain, and he had a large, strange grin."

"Hey... if you're not feeling it, you don't **have** to smile."

Soujiro looked up at him for a moment, _why is he saying that... I have to get my sword or he's going to kill me!_

Soujiro slowly got to his feet and stood up, glancing about the room. His hand was still stinging desperately, but he had to do something. Sanosuke noticed the sword, and at that same moment, Soujiro took his chance and darted for it.

Sanosuke met him halfway and quickly reached out his arm, grabbing hold of Soujiro's waist and pulling him away from it.

"Oh no you don't."

Soujiro struggled to loose himself, in his head he feared he was going to be killed. Sanosuke tightened his grip, his right forearm was across Soujiro's chest while his fingers interlocked and his left arm pulled back.

Soujiro screamed and cried out as he felt his cracked rib being pressed, "P-PLEASE!"

Sanosuke used his foot to kick the sword across the room; he then turned Soujiro around to face him. He pulled open Soujiro's kimono to see what was hurting him. His eyes narrowed as he saw the welts and bruises covering Soujiro's body. He had known people to have been tortured before, but never quite like this. He looked into Soujiro's eyes to try and discern something, anything... but they just looked vacant.

"You don't need to fight me... me and Kenshin, we're going to help you."

Soujiro's breath sounded so labored, it was one thing staying conscious with little food when you were lying strapped to a table. However, it was another thing entirely while darting around a room.

"You should probably sit down..."

Sanosuke tried to help him sit, Soujiro resisted at first, but as weak as he felt it was impossible not to give in.

Sanosuke sat down next to him, "You remember me, don't you?"

Soujiro looked at him for a long time;_ I'm supposed to know this man... if only I could stop feeling so dizzy and clear this haze._ Soujiro very gently laid his hand on the tortured flesh of his stomach; it felt absolutely empty of food and burned terribly inside. He started to feel sick, and like he might pass out. Soujiro groaned and closed his eyes. _I can't pass out in front of this man...it's dangerous to sleep..._

Soujiro struggled to stand, he was determined to make his way out of the base now that he was no longer restrained.

Sanosuke quickly got to his feet, "Hey!"

Soujiro ignored him and weakly continued forward. He looked to the floor but it was as if it was moving under him, side to side, and up and down. He put his right hand out to try and steady himself.

Following him was Sanosuke, "I don't think you should be moving around, you don't look too good..."

Soujiro could hardly hear him, his vision was graying and he knew it was too late.

Sanosuke moved quickly to grab hold of Soujiro as he suddenly collapsed. He shook him gently to see if he was awake, but he didn't react.

As Kenshin moved through the hallways he could see the men in front of his path quickly moving out of the way in a panic. He was a bit surprised by how easy it had all been, but after all, these were Shishio's men. They were all well aware of how he had brought about his destruction.

Up ahead he could see Genya. He was shouting after his men left and right, who were attempting to escape the base as quickly as possible.

"Fine, leave you cowards! But those who stay and fight will find themselves richly rewarded! Once the battle is over, all deserters **will** be found and **killed**!"

Kenshin stood and watched Genya with disgust, "Your men have been fleeing since Sano and I first arrived earlier."

Genya turned to look at him, he was noticing him for the first time, "It doesn't matter... they have no where else to go, they'll come back."

Kenshin shook his head, "Outside, the district police are waiting, they've been rounding them up and arresting them. **You're** going to be arrested too."

Genya laughed, drawing his sword, "That's presumptuous; you have to beat me first!"

Genya lunged at Kenshin; he was slashing quickly and wildly, mostly aiming for the face. Kenshin easily dodged the attacks, backing up just inches from the blade each time. Genya was nowhere near the skill of the Juppon Gatana, which explained why he had never heard of him up until now. However, as a swordsman, he was better than the average fighter.

Genya was becoming frustrated and enraged by Kenshin's dodges. "If I had had just a little more time to train Soujiro, I wouldn't need to be wasting my time on you!"

Kenshin's eyes grew stern as he blocked a blow and locked blades with Genya. "**Train**?! No sane man could call that torture training."

Genya laughed, still trying to deflect Kenshin's sword, "You really don't know much about him at all, do you?"

Kenshin pushed Genya's sword to the side, swinging around to land a blow to his arm. Genya winced and moved back, his arm was stinging badly from the blunt edge.

"How dare you doubt my sanity Battousai! Apparently you don't even know one thing about the way his mind works!"

Genya tried to land another broad sweep of his sword, but Kenshin easily dodged again. Genya was sweating and breathing hard.

"He smiles when he thinks he's going to get **hurt**. If you can train him to think he could get hurt at any moment, and keep him on guard all the time, well, you get the secret to his 'lack of emotions'."

Kenshin felt sickened, he could see Soujiro's mutilated fingers in his mind again. He quickly knocked Genya's sword out of his hand, he had had enough. Genya was shocked, he looked around the room desperately for any sort of weapon that could suit his purpose.

"...I'm not going to be arrested..."

Kenshin was aiming the tip of his sword at him, "You don't really have a choice."

Genya made a mad dash towards a doorway that was closer to him than it was towards Kenshin. It led directly outside of the base and at the other side, the police were waiting.

The police could see him coming outside of the base, they shouted at Genya to stop, but he kept running at them. Kenshin waited by the doorway, he knew that Genya was unarmed and that the police could handle him.

One of the police, shaking, pulled out his pistol, "STOP!"

Genya just smiled and continued running towards him. There was a shot, and Genya fell to the earth. Kenshin turned away from the scene; he wasn't entirely disappointed by the turn of events. It looked as though Genya had gotten exactly what he had wanted.

He made his way back to where he had left Sanosuke and Soujiro. When he walked back into that room, Sanosuke was sitting down, leaning against a wall waiting for him. Kenshin noticed Soujiro lying on the ground.

"Is he ok?"

Sano nodded, "He's breathing ok, I think he just passed out."

Kenshin nodded in acknowledgement as Sanosuke stood up.

"What happened with Genya?"

Kenshin seemed indifferent, "He was shot, by the police. I don't know if he's alive or not, either way he's in their custody."

Sano crossed his arms, "Ah... So... if we're taking Soujiro back with us... how are we gonna get him out of here?"

Kenshin looked down at Soujiro, "I've been thinking about that. I have my concerns about even taking him with us at all. He may be injured and weak, but he could be dangerous. He has great potential to be dangerous at least, and I don't know how distressed his mind is."

Sano nodded, "I think the two of us can handle him though."

Kenshin kneeled down next to Soujiro's prone body, "Yes... but if that's the case then it'll be a little difficult taking him. We'll have to go around Shizouka and walk back to Tokyo. If not, we risk Soujiro being caught and arrested."

Sanosuke walked over to Kenshin and knelt down on the other side of Soujiro; he opened the upper portion of Soujiro's kimono. Kenshin closed his eyes and turned his head away after seeing the battered flesh.

Sanosuke frowned, "We don't know how bad his injuries are... and it's about a two day walk."

Kenshin neatened up Soujiro's kimono, "Genya didn't want to seriously hurt him, just torture him enough to make him controllable. I think he'll be ok."

Kenshin gently slid his arms underneath Soujiro's body, pulling him close against his chest as he stood up with him. Kenshin was a bit surprised by just how light Soujiro actually was. He looked as though he had definitely lost weight, after all, but he only felt to be about 100 lbs soaking wet.

Kenshin turned to Sanosuke, "I would appreciate it if you would go outside and tell the remaining officers that the interior of the base is now empty. Also... give our apologies that we will be unable to say goodbye to Nakamura-san. Say that we have pressing business back in Tokyo."

Sano nodded, "I'll tell them, but I don't know that I'll say it in those exact words." He grinned as he left the room to make his way outside.

Kenshin looked down at Soujiro in his arms, _Just how much of your attacking me was fear of torture...?_ Kenshin was worried, no matter how much he could relate to Soujiro, the fact remained that he was still a ruthless killer. Plus, there was what Genya had told him. All those times that he had seen Soujiro smiling and looking so content... was he really just trying to protect himself from being hurt? Not only that, but Genya had said that he 'knew nothing about Soujiro'. That was certainly beginning to seem more and more likely.

Sanosuke walked back into the room, "The rest of the police are beginning to leave now, with luck we should be able to leave here unseen."


	6. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 6

Author's Note: See, when someone writes a review, I get it emailed to me. Well, I was only ever emailed 4 reviews, and then so much stuff started happening. I thought, "eh, why write the story if no one is really interested in reading it." See, my then fiancé got sent to Kuwait for 6 months and I was so heart broken! Then I had my senior finals and senior projects (I was a 3-D animation major), then my sweetheart came home and we got married! And last month (May 05'), I finally graduated, hurray! Then we got a house on base and I had to get furniture and start looking for a job and stuff! So much work, but I never forgot about the story! Today I was in the bookstore and I saw that they had the Kenshin manga up to issue 15, the start of the soujiro/kenshin fight and I was like, "maybe when I get home I'll check out and see about writing more on the story". I couldn't believe that there were 8 reviews! They were never emailed to me! Then I felt bad because people actually liked my story and I had left them hanging. See, there's a Soujiro fanfiction that I really like too. The author's name is Laura Gilkey (my name is Laura too, and we both majored in animation, lots of similarities between us) Well, she stopped writing her Soujiro story suddenly and it's left me hanging since! So sorry everyone, I will now continue! (Oh, and this is for the last reviewer, my ancestry is Italian too, check out the last name "Iandoli", that's hardcore Italian!)

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 6**

Sanosuke watched as the last of the police left the compound. He left the doorway to walk back towards where Kenshin and the still unconscious Soujiro were. As he walked towards them he could see a nearby room, the door was slightly ajar. He pushed it open with his foot, looking inside out of curiosity.

"Hey Kenshin, have you seen this room?"

Kenshin looked down at Soujiro; he obviously wasn't going to be waking up soon so he went over to where Sanosuke was standing. Inside the doorway was the room that Soujiro had been moved to so many times before.

Sanosuke was just standing at the doorway, looking inside, "Sick shit, huh?"

Kenshin nodded. The walls were lined with various implements, and the table that Soujiro had been strapped to was stained with blood.

Kenshin started to walk back towards Soujiro, "All the police officers are gone now?"

Sanosuke followed him, "Yeah. And it's starting to get a little dark."

Kenshin knelt down next to Soujiro, "Good, that'll help us."

He looked Soujiro over, he wasn't entirely sure of the best way to pick him up without aggravating his wounds. He hesitated only a moment longer before slipping his arms under Soujiro's knees and shoulders and picking him up

Sanosuke walked with him towards the door, "How long do you think it'll take us to walk back to Tokyo?"

Kenshin kept walking forward, "Maybe 30 hours… It's hard to say… because of Soujiro."

Sanosuke glanced at Soujiro, just looking at him made him feel nervous, nothing about this was going to be very straight forward. He could already sense possible ramifications. Who knows what Soujiro might try to pull once he woke up, althought he was in very poor condition. He and Kenshin quickly walked through the city streets, luckily they were nearly deserted; any sensible citizen had learned to stay inside at night since Genya's henchmen had moved in.

Kenshin was heading towards the woods, "We'll have to take the forest paths."

Sanosuke looked at Soujiro, he still hadn't stirred, "Are we going to camp for the night, or push through into the morning?"

Kenshin kept walking, "We'll have to continue through the night, I want to get him some food as soon as possible."

Sanosuke nodded and smirked, "Yeah, and if we fell asleep he'd probably slit our throats."

"That he would."

Kenshin couldn't shake the conflict he was feeling. _I'm bringing a murderer back to the Kamiya Dojo. _During the revolution he had seen people rescued from enemy camps who had been tortured. They could be unpredictable. Yet looking down at Soujiro, he didn't seem to have much of a choice. He felt such a connection to him, in many ways their lives were similar. Yet there was a lot that he didn't know of Soujiro's past, just how did he find himself with Shishio in the first place?

Soujiro opened his eyes, realizing he had been unconscious he braced himself, it was a trained response. Genya had been trying to keep him sleep deprived and he usually awoke to being struck by a guard for having slept. But the strike didn't come, _Where am I?_ He looked around but it was dark and his vision was blurry from hunger.

Kenshin stopped walking, realizing that Soujiro had woken, "You need not worry Soujiro, you're safe... and I'm taking you get food and to see a doctor"

Soujiro could feel panic and adrenaline rushing through his body, _What going on?_

Kenshin felt Soujiro's body tense in his arms, "Genya's gone… he can't hurt you."

Soujiro felt disoriented, but he could now tell that he was being carried and that he was no longer inside of Genya's base. It didn't matter, with his senses returning he quickly brought the forced smile back to his face. _What kind of a test is this? What am I supposed to be doing… what does he want me to do…_ Kenshin's arm that was supporting Soujiro's back was pressing into his wounds; he tried to shift his weight to his right side.

Kenshin watched him with concern, "Do you need to lay down for awhile?"

Soujiro felt confused, _I know this man… I recognize his voice…_ He tried to concentrate, but his mind had turned against him. His body was in survival mode and staying alive had been it's most important priority for the past several months now. So important that for the most part, his mind had just been trying not to get in the way. _Where do I know him from… all I can think about is my family and Genya…_

Sanosuke looked towards the two of them, "Let's just keep going, he's strong."

Soujiro couldn't believe what he had heard, _strong!_

A groan slipped past his lips, "…Himura took my strength…"

Kenshin's face went stern, "You are still strong, even now. Look what you've survived."

Sanosuke nodded, "Yeah, but don't start touting that 'the strong survive, weak must die' crap, got it? No one here wants to hear it."

Memories of his family and of his recent torture flooded Soujiro's mind. _But it's true… I wasn't strong enough for Himura… he beat me and made me weak… that's why this happened. _Soujiro's smile started to waver, but he kept forcing it as tears began to stream down his face.

Kenshin watched this, "You're going to be fine; we're taking you to where you'll have food and a place to rest. And you'll be cared for by the best doctor I know of."

Sanosuke smirked, "Yeah, she can be bitchy at times, but Megumi is definitely the best."

Kenshin watched as Soujiro would start to close his eyes and then force them back open, "Try to sleep… you have nothing to worry about."

Soujiro kept trying to assess his surroundings, _What's going on… where's Genya… Is this the second stage of the training he had talked about? He said I'd be able to move around with supervision, and that I'd get more sleep and food… is that what this is? But I failed to kill that man…_

Soujiro took several deep breaths, "Don't… punish me… I'll kill him next time… I was injured… this time."

Kenshin stopped in his tracks and gently laid Soujiro down, he knelt down next to him. "You don't understand Soujiro. If you come with us, there will be no killing. I'm bringing you to my home because I'm hoping that you're willing to reform… like you were last time we met."

Soujiro felt panicked, he could hardly see anything but Kenshin's form looming over his. _I'm vulnerable! They brought me out here to do something horrible!_ He tried to quickly get himself up and felt so dizzy from his sudden movements that he nearly passed out again. His heartbeat quickened and he tried to back up away from them.

Kenshin reached out to him, but Soujiro backed up further, "Calm down, we're not going to hurt you."

Suddenly Soujiro's world changed on him, and instead of Kenshin reaching towards him, it was his brother reaching for his short sword while he hid under his family's house on that fateful night.

Soujiro buried his head in his arms, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS!"

Sanosuke put his hand on Soujiro's trembling shoulder, "Hey! Get a hold of yourself!"

That was all that Soujiro needed, he started screaming and shaking, memories flooding him as he lost his footing on reality. This was the third time it had happened to him, the first with Kenshin during their fight at Shishio's fort, the second with Genya, and... now.

Kenshin grabbed Soujiro's shoulders and started shaking him, "SOUJIRO! Snap out of it!"

Sanosuke watched Kenshin's futile attempts for awhile before landing a sharp blow on the back of Soujiro's head. Soujiro let out a deep breath before he closed his eyes and collapsed.

Sanosuke bent down and picked Soujiro up, "We'd of never gotten him home the way he was. I'll take a turn carrying him now."


	7. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 7

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 7**

They had walked through the night and into the day, and it was night again by the time that they had reached the Kamiya Dojo. Soujiro hadn't woken since Sanosuke had struck him and knocked him out.

Kenshin paused, just looking at the Dojo for a moment, they had traded off again and he was carrying Soujiro once more. Soujiro was going to get better, that was the whole point in Kenshin's bringing him here, to get him better. And yet, with him healed, everyone that Kenshin loved would be at risk.

"Sano… I'll need your help with him. We'll have to watch him closely, especially as he starts to recover. We both know his potential."

Sanosuke nodded, "No problem, I was already planning on that."

Kenshin smiled towards him, "Thank you. Now please wake Megumi and ask her to come."

Sanosuke headed off to get her as Kenshin stepped inside the dojo. Although the walls in the dojo were literally paper thin in some places, Kenshin was as silent and stealthy as usual. He brought Soujiro to one of the vacant rooms which were originally meant to house students of the dojo. He knelt down and slowly laid Soujiro down on the floor. He looked him over for a moment, Soujiro's face was badly bruised and one of his eyes was nearly swollen over. He brought a blanket inside of the room and folded it in half to add more cushion before moving Soujiro on top of it. Kenshin could hear Megumi and Sanosuke just outside of the dojo entrance and he went out to greet them.

Megumi was panting, "I came as quickly as I could."

Sanosuke was carrying a bundle of bandages and various other supplies for her.

Kenshin motioned for them to follow him, "Thank you for coming Megumi, I'll show you where he is. He hasn't yet woken."

Kenshin walked them to the room where Soujiro was still laying prone on the floor.

Megumi knelt down besides him and then looked up at Kenshin, "How long has he been unconscious?"

Before Kenshin could answer, Sanosuke took the initiative, "Since I popped him in the back of the head… he was being a bit out of control."

Megumi opened up Soujiro's Kimono, revealing all of his welts and lacerations, "…'out of control'… Well I can imagine that he might be feeling a bit distressed…"

She reached into her bag, "Some of these contusions are going to need stitches."

Kenshin looked towards the doorway to see Kaoru standing there, Yahiko wasn't far behind her.

She was in her white sleeping kimono, her hair in a long braid, "What's going on Kenshin? Who is that?"

Kenshin stood up from next to Soujiro and walked towards her, "One of Shishio's old henchmen had been trying to rebuild his underground empire… and he was trying to force Soujiro to join him."

Yahiko was shocked, "That's **Soujiro**!"

They all knew who Soujiro was, that he had been the one to actually break Kenshin's sword in their first fight, and that he was Shishio's second in command.

Yahiko just stared at Kenshin in disbelief, "But he's a murderer! Isn't he the enemy! Why is he here!"

Sanosuke shook his head, "We're not too sure what he is… When him and Kenshin fought… we found out that he never really wanted to kill anyone, and he clearly didn't willingly join up this time either."

Megumi pulled off the rest of Soujiro's kimono and Kaoru winced as she saw Soujiro's body riddled with wounds, "Will he be ok?"

Kenshin nodded, "His wounds aren't serious. The most important thing is that we get him to eat… and fix his left hand."

Megumi looked up at Kenshin, "I want to dress his wounds first, will you hold him up for me?"

Kenshin knelt back down again next to them and gripped onto Soujiro's shoulders, lifting his chest up so that Megumi could have access to his back. She dipped her finger tips into a small apothecary jar, scooping up some salve. As she touched it to one of his wounds, Soujiro winced.

Megumi continued to apply the salve, "He's regaining consciousness."

Kenshin looked to Kaoru and Yahiko, if Soujiro tried something, he'd have to assess the situation quickly. Soujiro could be deadly fast when he wanted to. Even as injured as he was, when he tried to attack him in Genya's fort, he had still been much faster than everyone else in the room.

Kenshin watched as Soujiro groaned and slowly opened his eyes, "Stay still Soujiro, we're trying to help you."

Despite what Kenshin had said, Soujiro still tried to pull away, but Kenshin had a firm grip on his shoulders. _Where am I… my head's pounding…_ He flinched as Megumi touched one of his wounds with the salve and he quickly remembered to smile.

She continued diligently, she had dealt with difficult patients before, the best tactic was always to just try and finish as quickly as possible, "I'm almost done, just relax."

Soujiro let out a sigh, "I'm too spent… to fight with you… Genya…"

Megumi grabbed hold of the bandages and started wrapping them around Soujiro's torso, "That's just fine with me, and you can call me Megumi."

Kenshin just watched in silence, _he doesn't know where he is… _

Soujiro went to move his left hand up to his head and then rested it limply at his side again, as if suddenly remembering that that hand was useless.

Megumi glanced at his hand as she continued to wrap the bandages, "I'm going to fix that for you next."

The position that Soujiro was being supported in was uncomfortable for him and Kenshin's hands touching the wounds on his shoulders hurt as well, although, admittedly Kenshin didn't have many alternatives.

Soujiro weakly tried to pull out of Kenshin's grasp again, but he held tight, "…let go…"

Kenshin felt sympathy for him, but he needed his wounds dressed, "Once Megumi is done, I will lay you back down."

Soujiro looked around the room, and as blurry and shaky as everything seemed to him, he could tell that he was someplace new, "where am I…"

Kenshin looked at Soujiro's face; his eyes looked glassy and exhausted although he continued to hold that bizarre smile. And aside from his occasional struggles, his body was all but limp.

Kenshin watched as Megumi finished the last of the bandages, she gave him a nod before he lowered Soujiro back down onto the blanket, "You're at the Kamiya dojo, I brought you here to heal. Genya is gone."

Soujiro's head was in a cloud, he was so hungry, it was as if he were only catching every other word. _That woman wrapped up my wounds… is this a safe place or not?_

Megumi was looking over Soujiro's mutilated fingers, "We need to reset these bones."

Sanosuke winced, "Well… he's not going to take to that lightly."

Soujiro just looked distant, as if he was in his own world.

Kaoru was still standing by the doorway, "Is he acting that way because of the torture…?"

Megumi looked up at her, "More likely from the starvation. You lose your concentration and start to become irrational."

"Oh, should we feed him… before you fix his hand? I could go prepare some food."

Yahiko was just leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, "What, do you want to poison him too Kaoru?"

Kaoru glared at Yahiko, but Megumi just ignored him and continued, "Maybe something simple, like some rice."

Kenshin propped Soujiro up against the wall, so that he could be in a sitting position to eat when the rice came.

Soujiro didn't like the feeling of his weight pressing against the wounds on his back, _at least when I was tied to the ceiling my weight was on my arms…_ He could smell the rice as Kaoru brought in a large bowl and chopsticks. _That bowl is full… why so much? It's never this much food…_ Soujiro could remember the first time Genya had his men bring him the rice, how insulted he had felt.

Soujiro was beginning to feel confused and uncertain of where he was, "If you really cared about me being hungry… you would have brought more food…"

Kaoru looked down at the heaping bowl of rice, "If you need more, I'll bring you more. I thought this would be plenty…"

She brought the bowl towards them and Soujiro slapped it out of her hands. Kenshin quickly grabbed Soujiro's arms and held them back.

Yahiko felt affronted, "What the hell was that! Don't you realize that we don't have to do a damn thing for you!"

Soujiro watched as the rice bowl rolled across the floor, its contents spilling out. He was so hungry, why had he done that? _They're going to whip me for this!_ Soujiro's heart started to race and he struggled desperately to get away from Kenshin. He felt panicked, and what energy he had left he used to start thrashing desperately.

Sanosuke tightened his fist, "Are we going to need my remedy again?"

Soujiro stared at him with wide eyes, he wanted to try and cover his head but Kenshin was still holding onto his arms.

Megumi just glared at him, "Sano, get me some water."

She was pulling a powder out of her bag, "Just do it!"

Sanosuke walked out and then brought her back the water, Megumi mixed some of the powder into it.

Kaoru watched her, "What is that..?"

Megumi turned to her, "its potassium bromide, a sedative, although perhaps not as strong as we may need."

She brought the glass near Soujiro's face and he struggled violently trying to avoid it.

"Sanosuke, please hold his mouth open for me."

Sanosuke moved towards him and Soujiro kicked him hard in the solar plexus. Sanosuke stumbled backwards, trying to catch his breath after having the wind knocked out of him. He lunged at Soujiro, kneeling on top of Soujiro's legs to keep him from trying to kick him again. Sanosuke put one hand on Soujiro's forehead, pressing his head against the wall to steady it, and the other hand gripped his jaw open. Soujiro's eyes were wide and he was shaking as Megumi poured the mixture down his throat. Sanosuke let go of him and Soujiro started coughing. His eyes began to droop as his struggling became weaker and weaker. Kenshin gradually let go of Soujiro's arms, and he stay stilled, just leaning against the wall limply. His breathing sounded labored, but the smile, although small, remained.

Notes: Potassium bromide is a very old drug; it's been in use since the beginning of the 1800's. It works as both a sedative and as an anticonvulsant, although too much can be very dangerous. It's currently banned by the FDA for human consumption in the U.S.


	8. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 8

Author's Note: So what do you guys think? Should I continue with the story or not? Oh and to answer the reviewer's question, my family comes from the Lombardy region of Italy… which means I'm pale as a ghost!

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 8**

Sanosuke was rubbing his stomach; the area was tender from Soujiro's kick, "Why did you wait so long to give him that stuff?"

Megumi's face looked disapproving, "Bromide can be a double edged sword. Yes, it's going to sedate him-"

Soujiro's face was twisted in discomfort and it appeared as though we were half gagging.

"-but now any food that we give him, he wont be able to hold down until the bromide is out of his system."

She glared at Sanosuke, "However, it seemed like a good alternative to head trauma at the time."

Yahiko crossed his arms, "He didn't want to eat anyway, so who cares."

Kenshin gently lowered Soujiro back down into a laying position.

Megumi looked to Kenshin and Sanosuke, "I'm still going to need the both of you to help hold him still; he'll likely fight a little."

Sanosuke prepared himself by Soujiro's legs; he grabbed hold of his shins, ready to hold them down if necessary. Kenshin readied himself at the other end, holding onto Soujiro's arms.

Megumi looked into Soujiro's glassy eyes, "Try and concentrate, try and understand what I'm telling you Soujiro. If we let the bones of your fingers heal, in this broken manner, you won't be able to use your left hand again. But if we realign them back to where they're supposed to be, they'll heal right, and if you work at it, you'll regain control of the hand."

Soujiro said nothing; he just continued to stare off blankly.

She gave one last look at Kenshin and Sanosuke, as if signaling for them to prepare themselves. She lightly took one of Soujiro's broken back fingers into her hand; she wanted to do this quickly and precisely, and with as little pain as possible. She silently counted to herself, _1… 2... 3… _before bearing down on the finger, using her weight as leverage to properly snap it back into alignment. Soujiro gasped and tried to pull his hand away, but Kenshin held on tight to it.

Soujiro's speech was slurred from the bromide, "…stop… I'll kill…"

Yahiko looked poised to run over there, "He's threatening to kill us!"

Kaoru put her arm out in front of him, motioning for Yahiko to stay where he was. Megumi ignored all this and quickly straightened the second finger as well. A wild grin spread across Soujiro's face. Despite the smile, Kenshin could plainly see the panic in his eyes.

Soujiro struggled as much as he could, but he felt like his body were made of concrete, _Why? Why are they breaking my fingers again? I agreed to kill!_ He tried to take a deep breath, he wanted to make sure that they could all hear him agree to it again, but as he tried to he went into a coughing fit. _What did they drug me with…_

Megumi moved onto the third finger and pushed it down, "Come on Soujiro, just one more finger."

Soujiro's eyes were wide and tears started streaming down his face, his breathing sounded hard and labored and he cried out weakly. Megumi quickly fixed the last finger, she leaned back to get more bandages and supplies from her bag.

Soujiro looked up at Kenshin, and although his vision was blurry, he could see the bright red hair, "… Himura-san…"

Megumi wrapped a splint to each of his fingers, creating a brace before wrapping the entire hand together with bandages. She got up and stood back, "That's all I can do for now. Someone should stay with him throughout the night; I'll be back in the morning."

Soujiro had stopped struggling and Kenshin and Sanosuke slowly released their grip on him.

Kenshin looked up at Megumi, "Thank you for your help, I know he was not your easiest patient."

She smiled, "I've had worse." She picked up her bag and walked out.

Kenshin looked to Sanosuke, "I'm going to stay with him tonight, you go rest."

Sanosuke nodded and walked past Kaoru and Yahiko, heading towards his room.

Kaoru looked a little shocked by the whole situation, "I just can't believe that a member of the Juppon Gatana is going to be… staying here."

Kenshin frowned, "I apologize Kaoru, at the time we had no other choice. But I believe that he truly wishes to reform his life. If that is not the case, then we will turn him in to the police."

Kaoru nodded, "I trust your decisions Kenshin."

Kaoru turned to leave, but Yahiko stayed glaring at Soujiro. Kaoru grabbed hold of his sleeve, all but dragging him, "Come on Yahiko." She slid shut the screen door behind them.

Soujiro weakly looked over at his bandaged hand, it was throbbing badly. His head was still in a fog, _why would Himura-san break my fingers… what does it gain him?_

Kenshin was leaning against the wall with his legs folded Indian-style, he looked over at Soujiro with concern, "Try to sleep, you look exhausted."

Soujiro's eyes were red and burning, _as soon as I fall asleep, I'll awake to pain. This is punishment for what I did, _"…because of the rice…" he mumbled.

Kenshin felt uneasy, "No… Soujiro. Once you eat, and can think clearly, you'll understand that we had no choice but to fix your fingers. That was all."

Soujiro was trying to roll onto his right side, _I'm too weak to get off these wounds… there's no good way to lie down…_ All of his senses seemed dull and inaccurate._ I can hardly understand what Himura-san is saying to me. He killed Shishio-san, its right for him to be my enemy. So why didn't he kill me after our fight? Likely to torture me. Why was it that I was hoping for him to come when I was with Genya..? I must have been crazy. _Soujiro's eyes felt so heavy, and he was exceedingly weak from hunger and the sedative. _That drug…_

Kenshin watched as Soujiro resisted before finally giving in and closing his eyes. He closed his eyes as well, although he was still fully aware of any movements that Soujiro was making. He was concerned with the way that things were going with Soujiro. _The way he was after we fought at Shisho's fort… It would have been easier then, to teach him how to live a proper life. But it seems that his old life wouldn't let him go, despite himself. This is going to be difficult now._

Soujiro hardly moved throughout the night, he was in a deep, drug induced sleep. By the time he woke up it was late afternoon the next day and Kenshin was patiently waiting with food for him to eat. Soujiro slowly looked about the room, _no punishment for sleeping… and food… _

Kenshin held out a pair of chopsticks for him, "I'd like it if you ate something, It's been at least two days since you've had any food-" He glanced at Soujiro's emaciated body, "-probably longer."

Soujiro slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position against the wall, he held his right hand out for the chopsticks, _Genya fed me everyday… just not much._ Kenshin sat down beside Soujiro and handed him the chopsticks. He held the bowl out in front of him while Soujiro shakingly managed to get a bit of rice to his mouth. Soujiro looked inside of the bowl, it was brimming with rice and steamed vegetables, _am I going to get to eat all of this?_

Kenshin just watched as Soujiro slowly ate, "I think you'll feel a lot better once you start to regain your strength."

Soujiro was feeling uneasy and his left hand was hurting immeasurably. _Shishio is the only one who every kept me safe… I don't know what their intentions are, but if I stay here, they'll kill me._

Soujiro smirked, "I kicked your friend last night… I could have killed him, if I wanted to, with that kick." He took another bite of the food.

Kenshin's eyes narrowed, "Is it your intention to become a killer again?"

Soujiro continued eating, "Stick with what you know, I suppose. Either way, I won't be a killer for **you**."

"I have no desire to have you kill for me."

Soujiro shook his head and smiled, "You're not at all like Genya, are you? He may have been crazy, but at least he could get me to do what he wanted."

Kenshin's face was plain, "You're right, I'm not at all like Genya."

Soujiro just laughed a little and continued eating while Kenshin held the bowl steady for him. _Soujiro's being as emotionless as he was when we first fought… but I know that this act isn't who he really is._

Kenshin looked into Soujiro's eyes, "Would you mind if I asked you a question, since I brought you the food."

Soujiro felt on edge from the eye contact but tried to cover it up with his smile as he looked away, "Sure… go ahead."

Kenshin continued to watch his eyes, "What was it like, the first time you killed?"

"What… was it like..?" He gave a nervous laugh, "Why would you ask such a question Himura-san?" Soujiro's expression had changed. He felt the blood drain out of his face, he was stunned.

Kenshin noticed that Soujiro had finally stopped eating, "I want to know what caused you to become a killer. Had you killed before you met Shishio? Or did he force you to, like Genya wanted you to-"

Soujiro dropped his chopsticks, "Genya is nothing like Shishio! Shishio saved me!"

Kenshin put the bowl down, "What did he save you from?"

Soujiro pressed his hands tightly against his head, even his broken one, "Why do you always try to make me remember!"

Kenshin placed his hands on Soujiro's shoulders, "Tell me what happened."

Soujiro pushed Kenshin's hands away, he felt enraged, "I don't want to remember!"

Kenshin let out a deep breath, "Whether you want to or not, you need to, if you ever want to heal from it. Even when you smile, I can see it in your eyes, it's always been there. Whatever happened, it's driven your entire life. Genya used it to control you… and so did Shishio."

Soujiro's smile was gone from his face, _maybe part of what he's saying is true_, "If you really want to hear the whole sob-story, then I'll tell you…"


	9. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 9

Author's Notes: Sorry, I didn't realize that the 'anonymous review' thing was off. Took me awhile to figure out how to enable it, so thanks to the reviewer who pointed it out. Oh, and in this chapter I'm awarding Kenshin an honorary degree in psychology. This one goes out to my sister!

**Freedom Was Impossible: Part 9**

Soujiro was looking pensively down at the floor, his face was dark and brooding, "Shishio had been running from the police. I was sleeping outside, so I saw him kill the officers that had been pursuing him. I thought for sure that he would kill me too, but he didn't."

Kenshin could see that Soujiro was unsettled, "How old were you?"

"Eleven."

Kenshin tried to make eye contact with him, but Soujiro's head was hung low, "Why were you sleeping outside?"

Soujiro paused for a long time, "… my family made me sleep outside, I wasn't allowed to stay in the house."

Kenshin nodded slowly to himself, "Tell me what happened when you met Shishio."

Soujiro was becoming more and more despondent, "He was surprised that I was smiling at him, after what I had seen. He learned that I smiled when I was afraid… that I smiled when my family… beat me."

Soujiro looked as though he were holding back tears, "I don't want to say anymore…"

Kenshin paused, "Why did they beat you?"

He gave a long sigh, "My mother was a whore… and my father was a wealthy merchant. When I was born my mother left me with him, you can imagine that his wife and children weren't too thrilled with that. He was old when I was born, and didn't live too long after. His family… my family… kept me like a slave. I was an easy target, and blamed for everything. I tried hard to meet their expectations, to do things right, but it was impossible. One day when I was being beaten, I don't know why, but I smiled. They thought I had gone crazy and left me alone. I learned to use that to my advantage. Shishio knew what they were doing, he said that they were eventually going to kill me and he gave me a short sword. He was right…"

Soujiro started to choke on his words; tears were streaming down his face, "They came after me! They were going to do it; they were going to kill me!"

His eyes were wide and had a look of horror, he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest, "It was me or them, I had no choice!"

Kenshin felt sympathy for how Soujiro was feeling, but he needed to straighten things out for him "If Shishio knew, then why didn't he help you?"

Soujiro looked up at him, he was shaking, "He gave me the sword…"

Kenshin's face was unyielding, "He gave a child a sword, to kill his family, as a way of helping? No. He saw the potential in your smile; he was testing you, to see if he could make you into a killer."

Soujiro knelt down on the ground, his head was against his knees and he was pulling at his hair, "No! That's not how it was! He was the only thing that saved me!"

He looked over at Kenshin, "You say 'the strong should protect the weak'? But there was no one to protect me, there never has been!"

Kenshin's eyes met Soujiro's, "I'm protecting you now."

Soujiro looked stunned, but Kenshin continued, "It's a harsh reality, that Shishio was using you, but it's the truth. Yes, had he not given you the sword, your family may have killed you. But you wouldn't have lived as a killer, locking up all your feelings because they were unbearable."

Tears were streaming down his face, "Better that than feel what I feel now…"

Kenshin gently placed his hand on Soujiro's back, "You can no longer live in denial of your emotions."

Soujiro was struggling to wipe all the tears from his face, but they kept coming and his bandages were becoming speckled from the water.

Kenshin's face was earnest, "Do you know why you feel so badly?"

His voice was shaky, "Because I'm weak..?"

Kenshin moved to directly face him and put both his hands on Soujiro's shoulders, "It's because this whole time that you've been acting as assassin, it's been completely against your nature. You may have been the killer, but you had to die inside to continue on like this."

Soujiro just stared at the floor wide-eyed, he was overwhelmed, "If I'm not a murderer, than what am I?"

Kenshin tried to keep a calm voice, Soujiro looked like he was about to fall apart, "That's something you need to find out for yourself… but I can tell you what I think."

Soujiro stayed silent, all but for his soft weeping while Kenshin continued, "I think your life is in disarray. Genya and Shishio wanted you to be something that you're not, and you've never really been safe your entire life. All this time you've just been trying to survive."

Kenshin smiled at him, "But you're safe here. I want you to heal and try to find out for yourself who you really are. But I can't allow you to hurt my friends either."

Soujiro gave a weak nod and Kenshin noticed that some of Soujiro's wounds had bled through some of the dressings. Soujiro was only wearing the black hakama pants that Genya's men had dressed him in. His chest and stomach was bear but for the multitude of bandages covering it.

Kenshin moved the set aside bowl of rice and vegetables closer to Soujiro, "Would you like to eat more while I go get some fresh bandages for you?"

Soujiro gave a slight shake of his head; Kenshin gave him one last look before heading out to get the bandages. Soujiro absently looked at the bowl of food; he had completely lost his appetite. _Why do I feel so numb…_ He let out a long sigh, _I've been acting so weak in front of Himura-san…_

Kenshin walked back in with the supplies and put them on the floor as he crouched down next to Soujiro, "I have to take off the old bandages and replace them… it may sting."

Kenshin cautiously began to unravel the bandages, in several places the blood had dried and attached itself both to the wounds and the gauze. Soujiro grimaced and held his breath as Kenshin tugged on one such part of the bandage. He winced and let out his breath as Kenshin finally freed it.

Kenshin continued to take off the old bandages, it was difficult to look at the mutilated flesh as it was being revealed, "I know it hurts, but it's necessary."

Soujiro was trying his best to hide his discomfort, "I'm fine…"

The old bandages were speckled and stained with blood, Kenshin put them aside and reached for the new ones as he finished unwrapping.

He inspected the gashes and welts, except for a little light bleeding, they all appeared to be closed, "I believe your wounds are starting to heal."

Soujiro nodded, "So long as no one opens them up again."

Kenshin began to slowly wrap the damaged flesh with the new dressings, "You need not worry about that."

He was trying to keep his touch as light as possible on Soujiro's skin to keep from hurting him.

His tenderness was obvious to Soujiro, "How do you keep from holding a grudge so well, Himura-san?"

Kenshin stayed diligently at his task, "What do you mean?"

"I've tried to kill you 3 times now..."

Kenshin smiled, it did seem funny to him. How did he always find himself in these situations? Always caring for those who had once been his enemy, "I read people by their emotions, those first two fights I knew that the man I saw was not your true self. And the third fight… well, that's entirely different…"

Kenshin finished up with the bandages and looked at him, "You didn't even know it was me the third time."

Soujiro was completely absorbed in thought, "What happened to Genya…?"

Kenshin paused for a moment, _it's better to just tell him what happened, _"After we fought, the police were waiting for him, but he rushed them. They fired, and he was shot. I assume that he's dead, but if he's not, then he's been arrested none the less."

Soujiro's breathing started to quicken and he was fidgeting, "He's dead…"

Kenshin nodded, "Most likely, yes."

Soujiro's eyes were darting about the room, he appeared acutely distressed, but he was trying to regain his composure. A small smile formed across his lips, "Himura-san… do you think you could get me some water to drink..?"

Kenshin nodded and got to his feet, "I'll be back in a moment." He turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

He had not been out of the room for but a moment when Soujiro began to sob profusely. He gripped his right hand against his mouth tightly, not wanting anyone to hear him. He pressed his left arm against his chest and leaned down, his fore-head touching the floor. _Damnit! _He started wiping the tears from his eyes as quickly as he could, but more kept coming. _He'll be back any moment, I can't let him see me like this!_ He slowly lowered his hand from his face and got back into a sitting position. He was taking deep breaths and staring up at the ceiling. _Think about something else… think about what's happening right now, not what did._ He was trying his best to make himself feel numb, like he had for so many years when he was with Shishio.

He wiped the last of the tears off of his face just as Kenshin walked through the door with a cup of water.

Soujiro quickly returned the smile to his face, trying to hide the way he was feeling, "Thank you Himura-san"

Kenshin knelt down and handed it to him. Soujiro clasped it in his hands but did not drink from it; he simply gazed into the water. His eyes were red and it was obvious to him that Soujiro had been crying. Not only that, but despite the forced smile, he could see the emotion and torment in his eyes.

Kenshin had seen men like this after the bakumatsu, _He's traumatized…_


	10. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 10

**Freedom was Impossible: Part 10**

The air outside was warm, and there was a gentle breeze blowing. Judging by the beauty and the calmness of the outside, you'd never know the turmoil that was going on just inside the nearby dojo.

Kaoru was outside, running Yahiko through his morning training. Yahiko's movements seemed even more rushed than usual.

Kaoru crossed her arms, "Concentrate Yahiko, you'll never become a great swordsman without proper practice."

Yahiko rolled his eyes and pointed to the dojo, "How can I concentrate knowing that Soujiro is in there? Don't you remember how I handled myself with the Juppon Gatana?? I very well may need to prove myself again."

Kaoru sighed, "You've seen the condition that he's in, I don't think you need to worry about him right now." Although she herself had doubt in those words.

Sanosuke had been nearby and overheard the conversation, "You might be surprised. I'm thinking, get some food in his stomach and a little rest and he might suddenly become very dangerous. To be honest with you, I'm not as certain as Kenshin is of his wanting to reform. I haven't seen any proof of it…"

Their conversation was cut short as they noticed Megumi approaching the dojo; she did not have as many supplies as before. She nodded a greeting to the three of them before entering and going to the room where Soujiro was staying with Kenshin.

Soujiro had been sleeping but he awoke when he heard her enter the room, Kenshin was leaning against the wall nearby in a relaxed posed, but clearly there to keep an eye on him.

Soujiro looked up at her, he recognized her, "I've seen you before…?"

She knelt down next to him, "Yes, you have. I wasn't sure if you'd remember me, you weren't in the best state then, but you seem much better today. I'm here to check on your progress, I'm a doctor"

Soujiro was calmer now. He was sleeping and eating well and his strength was returning to him. Without those stressors on his mind his thinking was becoming much clearer as well.

Megumi looked as his left hand, "It's very swollen, but that is normal for the healing process. Try not to use it, let the splints do their job and you can expect the bones to heal in 2 or 3 months. At that point you can work on regaining the use of your fingers."

She looked over at the broken rib, "This looks like an older injury than your fingers. I'm expecting this to heal faster. I don't think it will continue to bother you for much more than a month".

Soujiro nodded, "yes, it is getting better, thank you doctor."

She looked over the bandages on his chest and back, "The rest of these wounds look like they are healing up nicely. And the bleeding has long stopped."

Megumi looked up at Soujiro and smiled, "Other than that, how are you feeling?"

Soujiro took a deep breath. _How am I feeling?_ His emotions were still very much a mystery to him. It was difficult to assess them. _I feel… confused… sad… angry… I feel everything. But she doesn't need to know that, she's just the doctor…_

He let out the breath, "I feel fine".

"That's good"

She shifted her attention to Kenshin, "Are the two of you going to stay in this room all day? I'm one to believe that fresh air is good medicine".

Kenshin nodded, "You are right about that Megumi, that you are"

Megumi grabbed hold of her leather bag and stood from her kneeling position, "Just let me know if something changes, but other than that I don't think you'll be needing any more of my services for this."

Kenshin stood up and walked her to the door, "Thank you so much Megumi, it would have been difficult without you. I know that Soujiro appreciates it"

Soujiro looked in her direction and gave a nod, "I do, thank you".

"Well, you are both more than welcome", and with that she began the trip back to her clinic.

With Soujiro's condition stable, it was now time for their inevitable conversation. Kenshin looked back at Soujiro, he could feel a sense of dread filling in his gut. _If he hurt Kaoru... or anyone… I could never forgive myself._

He sat down close to Soujiro, looking directly into his eyes; Kenshin's face had a look of concentration on it. Soujiro was a little startled by this; jumpiness had become a trained response for him. He instinctively went to move back, but he was already against the wall.

Kenshin took a deep breath, he was going to need to get into a past he would rather forget, "I'm not sure if Shishio ever told you any of this, but the two of us have a similar history…"

"I know that the two of you were both assassins for the government. He did call you sempai after all."

Kenshin gave a nod, but it was apparent that he was feeling very uncomfortable with what he would have to say next, "Yes, that much is true. During the bakumatsu I felt that I couldn't ignore the war and the hurt that it was causing innocent people. I started working for the government as a hitokiri because I believed that it was correct. I felt that I was defending the innocent from those that would hurt them. But things are never that clear cut. Looking back I realize that those who opposed me were just doing what they felt was right. In the end I didn't just kill my enemies… I also killed an innocent woman."

Soujiro was truly puzzled, and at the same time angry about the revelation, "But.. your reverse blade sword! You say, 'protect the weak' and.. You talk on and on about not killing.. IT'S ALL A LIE! You're a hypocrite!"

Kenshin's stern resolve returned to his face, "I am no longer a killer. I've spent my years since then trying to correct the wrongs that I've done, although I know that cannot ever truly happen. It's because I have blood on my hands that I can relate to you, and see in you the potential to change as well. I need to know if you are willing to do that. I cannot risk injury to my friends if you intend to carry on as a killer."

He watched as Soujiro pulled at his hair with his good hand. His face showed incredible frustration, like he might explode with anger at any moment. All this was reason for Kenshin to worry, _His emotions are like a child because he's never had to feel them before... He has incredible speed and kendo ability matched with unstable emotions and the rationale of a traumatized mind…_

Soujiro threw his hands down, he stared into the corner, not wanting to look at Kenshin, "You don't get it! I wanted to do that, I wanted to live a normal life. That's what you inspired in me! I tried, I was doing it, but it didn't work. Genya came looking for me… I don't want to hurt people, but there's never been much choice"

Kenshin put his hand on Soujiro's shoulder, "I'm glad to hear that you tried to reform. You are right, there are people like Genya who want to use you. If you chose to leave here now, they would find you. You are not in a state to feel or think clearly. But that is all that limits you, because you are far too strong to be controlled by a gang lord."

Soujiro's mood had already changed so quickly, he now felt dejected and depressed, and all that showed in his slumped position "Himura san, I am not strong…"

Kenshin leaned in a little closer, "Do you want to become strong then? What does that mean to you, to be strong?"

Soujiro thought for a moment, "It would mean that no one could hurt me…"

"If you had that strength now, would you hurt others?"

His emotions switched to annoyance and frustration again, "NO! Do you see these wounds?? Do you see these fingers?!" He thrust up his bandaged hand toward's Kenshin, whom gently but firmly held his wrist and lowered it back down. "Had I simply said, 'yes, I will do what you want', all this wouldn't have happened to me! But no, I resisted him for months!"

Flash backs of his torture filled his mind, he lowered his head towards his knees, he was quite shaken.

"Soujiro, I'm willing to help you and make you strong again. Your problem is that you're too emotional. If we can conquer that, you'll be able to live the life you want, without fear of those that might come for you."

He looked back up at Kenshin, and then to his shaking hands, "I am too emotional…" Soujiro laughed and leaned his back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. "That's what Genya said as well" A sigh slipped past his lips "I wonder if maybe I cannot live this 'normal life' because the chance for that died the night I killed my family… But I will do what it takes Himura san. If you can somehow help me attain this goal, I would forever be grateful to you."


	11. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 11

**Freedom was Impossible: Part 11**

Soujiro was looking up at Kenshin standing in front of him, his face looked so soft and kind. Kenshin had become an impressive sight to him, his entire view of him was changed. Before he had ever fought him, he had once considered him to be weak. Why Shishio had been worried about him, he could not understand at the time. How could someone who didn't even believe in killing possibly pose a threat to them? And after their first fight, when he had ruined his sakabatou, he knew it was only a matter of time before he killed him. But that was then, when he still felt certain of the validity in Shishio's plans. When he felt only happiness. A small part of him wished that he had defeated Kenshin that day, but the rest knew that his previous life was all wrong. Kenshin reached out his hand towards Soujiro. He grabbed hold of it, and Kenshin helped him to his feet.

Kenshin was facing him, "There are other people who live here. They met you the night you came here, you may not remember. It may take them time to trust you, I ask that you be patient".

He nodded, "I understand, are we going to meet them..?" There was an edge of anxiety in his voice. _It sounds like they already don't like me. This is exactly why I left Kyoto, people who know who I am cannot like me._

Kenshin began to walk towards the door as Soujiro followed, "Yes we are, but you need not worry"

Yahiko nearly dropped his shinai when he noticed them walking outside, but he quickly regained his grip. He turned to Kaoru, keeping his voice low, "He doesn't look so tough to me…"

The very sight of Soujiro evoked pity. He was small, he had always been, but now that he had lost some weight, he was even more so. He was wearing a simple grey kimono that Kenshin had had as a spare. The kimono covered many of the bandages around his chest and back, but the fading bruises on his face were still visible, as was his bandaged hand. Some of his movements were a little awkward as he tried to adjust for his injured rib. But Soujiro's face was young and his blue eyes looked so kind, it would be hard for someone unfamiliar with him to realize the kind of danger he could pose.

She gave Yahiko a disapproving look and headed towards Kenshin and Soujiro, "It's amazing how quickly you're recovering"

He gave her a small smile, "Thank you, but my injuries were not very serious"

Kaoru couldn't help but return the smile, _He seems nice…_It was a bit of a surprise to her, considering all that she had heard of him, and how scared she had been when Kenshin's sword had been broken. "Still, you very well could have died if left the way you were"

Soujiro nodded, "That is true, I have everyone here to thank for that not happening."

Sanosuke was leaning against a tree, his arms folded at his chest. _He's calmer now… but also more calculated. Like when he fought Kenshin. He hides behind that smile._ He casually approached them.

Soujiro was a bit taken aback to see him, he certainly knew who he was; "You're the man who was with Kenshin when we fought the second time."

"That's right. I also helped carry you here from Shizouka." Sanosuke was studying his face hard, trying to find an inkling of any hidden intentions.

Soujiro's smile wavered as he tried to think back on those past several days, "Oh… I'm sorry, I don't really remember that…" He gave an uncomfortable laugh and scratched his head, "It's all kind of blurry".

"I'm sure it us" Sanosuke gave a wry grin thinking about how he had hit him in the back of the head, "Well, no hard feelings then?"

Soujiro was even more puzzled now, _what's that supposed to mean? Did I do something to him, or him to me?_ "um… alright"

By now Yahiko was tired of being left out and ignored, he ran up to the group of them, "Well, have you heard about me? I'm Yahiko and I defeated your buddy Henya!"

Soujiro was shocked to hear a child claim such a thing. _Right…Himura-san's friends had fought the Juppon Gatana. _"That is impressive, Henya was very strong..."

There was nothing that Yahiko loved more than having his ego stroked, "Well, if you don't believe it you can always pick up a shinai and try me!"

Kenshin gave an uncomfortable laugh while trying to deflect the situation, "Maybe later Yahiko. I do not think that Soujiro is ready for that sort of thing yet, that he isn't."

Yahiko just rolled his eyes while Kenshin turned his attentions to Kaoru, "I'd like it if he could stay here for awhile longer, until he is ready to set out on his own again."

Kaoru smiled and nodded, "That's fine, he's more than welcome to stay as long as he needs to, I can always use more help around here."

Soujiro was trying to keep up his happy and polite act despite the turmoil inside of him; it had always worked so well for him in the past. _I am going to be staying here with these people… What if I disappoint them? What if I bring trouble here? _Dread was filling him, it had been a long time since he had had a 'family'. In some ways, Shishio and Yumi had been like parents, but in so many other ways they didn't even come close. Shishio never offered him any compassion or real kindness, and while Yumi could be nice to him, her real interest was always with Shishio. This was an opportunity to have genuine friends, something he had never had before.

He was feeling choked up, but he put on a big smile and bowed to Kaoru, "Thank you so much. You will find that I'm a great help, I used to do a lot of chores for my family"

Sanosuke moved in closer to Yahiko and mumbled under his breath, "I don't even want to know what the hell happened to his family…"

Yahiko laughed, "Well isn't Shishio his father or something??" He instantly realized he had said that too loud.

Soujiro could feel the blood draining from his face, _Shishio…_, "No… but… he did raise me."

Kaoru shook her head; the thought of being raised by that man was truly an awful one… How could Yahiko be so insensitive?

Sanosuke was already regretting making that comment to him, "I'm going to go fishing. Soujiro will need more than just Kaoru's cooking if he wants to ever put any weight on"

Kaoru glared at him and pointed her finger towards the kitchen, "Everyone always has something to say about my food, but no one ever offers to make it themselves!"

Sanosuke grinned, "I'm doing that right now." And with that he started heading out towards the river.

Kenshin had been closely studying Soujiro the entire time. Even if Soujiro looked relaxed, he could tell that he clearly wasn't. All the same, for someone who was as new to emotions as he was, he was doing a good job at keeping himself in check. Maybe he wasn't as unstable as he had feared he might be? Soujiro still had some injuries but his legs and sword arm were fine. He had also been eating and sleeping well for a couple of days now and a good deal of his strength had returned. If he had wanted to, he could have easily attempted to attack them, but he hadn't. Not only that, but when Soujiro had told him that he no longer wanted to hurt others, he had sensed the truth in his words.

Yahiko picked up a spare shinai from the nearby rack, "Well, is practice over Kaoru?"

She folded her arms across her chest, "You know it isn't"

Yahiko grinned and handed the shinai to Soujiro, "Good, because I could go for some real training."

Soujiro looked a bit quizzical as he studied the bamboo sword in his hand, turning it a little in the air, "I've never used one of these before."

Yahiko chuckled, "Oh really? You learned kendo with a real sword? From day one??"

Soujiro nodded, he was still looking over the shinai, "Yes."

Yahiko sighed, "Alright… well, let's begin a match then, it's just me and you"

Kenshin felt a little nervous about the situation that was unfolding. Yahiko was really jumping the gun with Soujiro, but then again, it wasn't too surprising considering how much he always tried to prove himself, "Soujiro, the point of having a match using shinai is that you don't **hurt** each other during practice."

Soujiro looked over at Yahiko, he seemed very eager to start the match, "I see, that is a good idea."

Soujiro lowered into a stance facing Yahiko, he steadied his shinai in front of him. It was a little awkward, using only one hand, and the shinai was weighted to be similar to a katana, but it wasn't at all a problem for him. "I'm ready when you are"

Yahiko lunged immediately, his movements were somewhat similar to Kenshin's style, although a bit rushed and not as experienced. His spikey and wild hair seemed to match well with his personality and demeanor. What surprised him the most was how much power was behind the moves. Soujiro simply deflected the blows as each one came, all the same, the strength in the attacks was very impressive for someone so young. "You're a lot stronger than I was at your age."

Yahiko was starting to breathe hard now, but it wasn't going to stop him yet, "What else would you expect from the son of a samurai!"

Soujiro smiled as he continued to block his attacks. _He has great potential. He is lucky to be mentored by someone like Himura-san, unlike… _Soujiro couldn't help but remember how at Yahiko's age he had already killed and was in heavy training to become Shishio's top assassin _…unlike me_.

Soujiro was stepping back as he turned aside the attacks. Yahiko suddenly threw his hands in the air, "Hah!! I drove you out of the circle!"

Soujiro looked down at the ground, sure enough there was a circle etched into the dirt, he smiled and held out the handle of his shinai towards Yahiko, "Then you've won the match?"

Yahiko took the shinai from him, "You're damn right I have!" He turned to Kaoru, "You can add his name to the list of Shishio's men that I've defeated."

She sighed and shook her head, "I'm not sure how familiar he was with the rules.."

Yahiko shrugged as he returned both shinai to the rack, "It doesn't matter, rules are rules"

"I guess practice is over for today then, I doubt we could get done anything productive after all that." She looked towards Kenshin, "I'll start cooking some rice if you and Soujiro can get a couple of vegetables from the garden. Yahiko can sweep up."

Kenshin nodded, "we will do that."

She headed off inside while Yahiko, grumbling, got out his broom. Kenshin showed Soujiro over to their vegetable garden. It was an intriguing sight to Soujiro. He had certainly seen many farms and gardens before, during his wanderings and missions with Shishio, but he had never had much to do with them. As a child, he ate mostly rice, and whatever he thought he could get away with sneaking from his family. Once he had paired with Shishio, food came in the form of taking the food of the people they had just killed. Later, as Shishio acquired greater prestige, they had a cook that prepared their food for them. Soujiro had never thought too much about where that food came from, and the process it took to prepare it for eating.

Kenshin knelt down next to the dirt, "She will probably want a couple of radishes"

Soujiro scanned his eyes over the garden. All it looked like to him was dirt with leaves and vines sticking out of it, "How do you know which one is a radish?"

"Well, you get familiar with what their leaves look like," He pointed to the row of radishes, "It also helps to remember where you planted them."

Kenshin grabbed hold of the base of the leaves of one of the bigger looking plants, "This one looks ready", and pulled out a nice sized radish before grabbing another.

He marveled at this, "It must be satisfying to grow something like that."

Kenshin nodded, "It is, but it's also very necessary. We would have a hard time eating without this garden."

Soujiro's attention left Kenshin as he noticed he could hear footsteps slowly nearing them, his heart quickened and he felt sick to his stomach. He turned around quickly and instinctively started edging back.

"You sure are jumpy", Sanosuke was holding a net full of several well sized trout. "Why don't you gather some wood and we'll make a fire"

His heart was beating so fast it almost felt like he had had a heart attack, "Oh, uh… sure.."

Sanosuke watched as Soujiro started gathering pieces of wood from a nearby pile, "He scares easily. It's so surprising to me, to see him acting like this. I'll admit, when I saw you fight him the second time, he seemed like a perfect swordsman. Then of course... after his breakdown, I knew better. Since then, he's been a completely different person."

Kenshin nodded, "That unfeeling version of himself was a shell he had been trained to hide inside of. Once it shattered, it could never be repaired again, despite what Genya thought."

He adjusted the net over his shoulder, "Yeah, and what's your plan for him?"

Kenshin's eyes were full of compassion, "I don't think he could defend himself if people came looking for him…"

Sanosuke chuckled, "He might just throw down his sword and run"

He rubbed the dirt off of the radish with his fingers in a sweeping motion, "Perhaps. He has plenty of ability and skill with a sword to do otherwise. What he doesn't have is the experience to put aside feelings of fear and anxiety before a match. I want to teach him that."


	12. Freedom Was Impossible: Part 12

Author's Note: Well, this is the third chapter I've written recently, after taking a 2 year hiatus. Soujiro going to the Kamiya dojo was sort of a turning point in the story and I had hit some writer's block. I was also very busy at the time with my new house, husband, and graduating from college. _** I**_ knew how the story was going to end, so that's all that mattered right?? No! I've decided to eventually finish this story, stay tuned.

**Freedom was Impossible: Part 12**

By the time everyone had finished eating the sky had grown dark and Soujiro was left sitting by the fire. The flames and warmth of it reminded him of Shishio and it comforted him, relaxed him.

He was gazing absentmindedly at the stars when Kenshin sat down beside him, "Sorry to leave you here by yourself, I've just been helping to clean."

Soujiro looked around him surprised to see that indeed, everyone was gone, he laughed a little, "I didn't even realize that they had left, I guess I was just day dreaming too much.. I'm sorry for not helping you pick up, I really should have."

Kenshin shook his head, his long red hair gently rustling, "Don't worry about it, you just looked so peaceful that no one wanted to disturb you."

Soujiro took a moment to analyze his feelings before smiling, "I **am** peaceful… how odd to feel this way?"

Soujiro paused, he had a look of concentration on his face like he was trying hard to make sense of something. "After we first fought at Shingetsu village… I became almost obsessed with you… I watched you, even when it wasn't my responsibility to do so. I had to know more about you, about the way you lived and what you believed in. Most of my life I believed in only one thing, that those who were weak were nothing more than food for the strong. But then there was you, someone who was strong and yet did not harm others. It seemed wrong to me, it was not supposed to be that way, and I could not resolve it in my head."

He looked down at the ground, "After you defeated me, it still wasn't resolved… I wandered from place to place, trying to find an answer, a tenet to live my life by, and I couldn't find one. When Genya found me I thought, maybe Shishio was right all along. You defeated me and I became weak, and now this was my punishment. But you found me and protected me, I was not expecting that. I'm still not sure why things have happened this way. I wonder if it's because of the 'karma' that people sometimes talk about. There were many people that Shishio had tortured, and I certainly didn't stop it. I've killed many people, quite a few of them completely innocent of a crime. I'm wondering if this is why that happened?"

Soujiro looked up at Kenshin, he wanted him to give him a clear cut answer, but Kenshin just shook his head. "What's wrong with your thinking is that you believe that the world operates by one universal rule. Nothing is that simple. There will always be people who are strong, that will victimize the weak, regardless of whether it's wrong or not. I believe that those who are weak deserve to live their lives in peace, and that it is the duty of the strong to stand up to others that would try and take it away from them. If you want to atone for what you've done, it would be better for you to help people, than to suffer. Does that make sense to you, Soujiro?"

He nodded but his face still reflected the turmoil inside him, "It does… but fighting isn't as easy now as it was before. I use to go into a fight feeling nothing. I didn't care if I lived or died. I felt no fear or worry, all I ever felt was the adrenaline… which I thought might be happiness."

He sighed and looked down at the ground, "Genya captured me so easily that it's embarrassing. And looking back at it, there were probably opportunities when I could have escaped, but I was just too scared to try."

Kenshin placed his hand on his shoulder, "Fear is something that every swordsman must learn to conquer. Until recently it was never a factor for you, but now you must start over from the very beginning. If you want, I can help you to do that."

Soujiro smiled and looked up at him, "I would like that Himura-san".

…………………….

The next morning Kenshin was all ready to begin training Soujiro. He handed him a shinai and took one himself, instead of using his sakabatou. Sanosuke was sitting on the ground nearby, he was leaning up against the dojo and chewing on a fish bone in typical fashion. He was very interested to see how all this would pan out.

Soujiro glanced at the ground, "No circle this time?"

Kenshin nodded, "Correct. It's not an official match, I just want to see how you handle yourself with an opponent. When you went up against Yahiko yesterday you did not show any fear, but I believe that that is because you did not think he could possibly hurt you."

Sanosuke laughed, _Good thing that Yahiko isn't around to hear that._

Kenshin got down into his fighting stance, "Are you ready?"

Soujiro gribbed the shinai tightly with his good hand, "Yes.." He was nervous, he already fought Kenshin several times, and knew how debilitating some of his attacks could be. He winced thinking about the move that ended their battle at Shishio's head quarters.

Kenshin lunged at him to strike, purposefully slower than he would normally. Soujiro leaped back and dodged the blow. Kenshin came in for another swing and Soujiro blocked with his shinai, there was a loud knock as the wood met. Soujiro's heart was racing, all he could concentrate on was blocking the attacks.

Kenshin stopped for a moment, "Try some offense too Soujiro", _he looks so nervous._

Soujiro's eyes were fixated on Kenshin's shinai, "If I do that, I'm going to leave myself open"

Kenshin swung at him again, "If you fail to block an attack, I will stop and not hit you."

Soujiro side stepped and dodged the attack entirely, he quickly moved in for a hit, but Kenshin just as quickly blocked it. _How am I going to be able to land a blow when Himura san is just as fast as I am?_ He tapped his foot and a large dust cloud appeared as he took off into the shukuchi. _I'll get behind him. _But before Soujiro had already started moving, Kenshin was turning around to block the attack he knew was coming.

Soujiro was shocked when he felt his shinai hit the resistance of Kenshin's. "How am I supposed to fight you when you can predict my movements??"

Kenshin shook his head and lowered his shinai, "It doesn't matter. With your speed, you can easily defeat nearly anyone who would try and harm you or someone you were protecting. But it seems that you don't even realize that, you show no confidence in your ability. I wonder how Genya could even capture you at all."

Soujiro lowered his shinai too, "Well… he sent a girl to tell me that she was in danger, while I was distracted by her, someone came up behind me and choked me with a garrote." He instinctively put his hand up to his neck, remembering the feeling.

Sanosuke chuckled, "Oldest trick in the book, to use a pretty girl."

Soujiro turned to him, he looked dissapointed, "Is it really?? That's embarrassing..."

Kenshin's face was somber, "You got caught up in her panic and ignored your surroundings. What would the 'old Soujiro' have done?"

Soujiro thought for a moment, "I'd… have killed the girl for getting too close to me, and then I'd have killed her friend."

Sanosuke sighed, _this kid's too cold blooded, _he shouted, "Hey! What if it was someone you couldn't kill, like Yumi or something??!"

He scratched his head, "Ah, well… in that case, the old me wouldn't have cared that she was upset and I would have probably noticed the other man immediately."

Kenshin's face was somber, "Can you see how your emotions clouded your judgement that day? It is vital that when you're in a potentially dangerous situation, not to lose focus on what might be happening around you."

Soujiro nodded, he seemed ashamed of his shortcomings.

Kenshin smiled, "But I'm impressed with the way you have been handling yourself. You seem much more in control of your emotions, just in these past couple days alone. You have incredible potential to help a lot of people during your lifetime."

Soujiro picked the shinai back up and grinned, "Do you think we can start again?"

Kenshin nodded and readied himself. Soujiro went at him quick, it was his fastest speed without relying on shukuchi. Kenshin evaded and came at him from the side, but Soujiro spun around and blocked the attack. Sanosuke was trying to watch the fight, but the movements were too quick to follow. There was almost a continues volley of noise as the shinais met over and over again. The two were practically even in skill, certainly even in speed.

The fight suddenly stopped as Soujiro toppled back onto the floor, Kenshin was pointing his shinai at him, he had won the match. "That was good Soujiro, you restrained your emotions, and you didn't second guess your attacks."

Soujiro got to his feet and grinned, "Just you wait until my other hand is healed"


End file.
